Sacrificed
by B of Ericaland
Summary: SEQUEL to Saved. Set two years later. A serial killer hits Boston hard and fast, leaving a string of victims that have only one thing in common... they all slightly resemble homicide detective Jane Rizzoli.
1. I Hear Wedding Bells

DISCLAIMER:: rizzoli and isles belongs to tess gerritsen and turner network television.

A/N:: here it is, the sequel. i told myself i wouldn't post anything until i had at least 5 chapters typed up and ready to post, just to be safe, but this morning, as i was starting chapter 16 i thought, whoops, i forogt to post. i love this chapter even though weddings aren't really my forte. read, enjoy, and review

-/-

Jane Rizzoli adjusted the tailored suit jacket and turned to view herself in profile in the floor to ceiling mirror of the changing room at the church. It wasn't often that Jane cared enough about her appearance to warrant such scrutiny, but today was different, special. She needed to look her best, for Maura.

"Don't you look handsome?" Frost came up beside her in the mirror with a teasing lilt to his voice.

Jane's lips tightened to a thin line. "Being in a relationship has made you cocky. Don't think I'm beyond clocking you just because we're in a church."

"Give it a rest Rizzoli." Korsak came up on her other side and adjusted his tie.

Jane stared at the three of them in the mirror. "We certainly make a trio, don't we?" It wasn't often that the three homicide detectives got a break from the turmoil of the Boston crime beat, and an even more rare occasion that it was for a joyous event such as a wedding.

"Yeah, we do. Funny, I didn't think either of you cleaned up this good." Frost jumped out of the way just as Rizzoli's fist sailed through the empty air where he had just been.

Jane finally turned away from the mirror. If she adjusted her jacket one more time, it would drive her over the edge… if she wasn't there already.

"So, Korsak, did you see Maura?" Jane tried to keep her voice casual.

Korsak shook his head, obviously not buying it. "She looks beautiful Jane. You should see her in her dress. And she doesn't seem nervous at all."

Jane smiled brightly. "She always does know just how to wear a dress." No, she wouldn't be nervous. Being up at an altar, looking elegant, this is her territory. It's going to be me who spends the whole time fidgeting. Two years may change a lot of things, but it couldn't change that.

"I'm going to go check on the girls. It's almost showtime." Korsak departed the room with a quick smile for Jane.

"And I'm going to go check and make sure the minister and the guests are ready. Are you gonna be okay?" Frost looked at her with genuine concern.

Despite the ball of nervousness that had taken up permanent residence in her stomach, she found herself nodding and smiling at him. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

Frost lingered a second longer, testing the honesty of her statement and then nodded, leaving her alone in the room.

She fell into a chair with a deep sigh.

There was a knock on the door.

Jane frowned. "I mean it. I'm okay. Stop being so paranoid."

The door opened, but it wasn't Frost who slipped in. "I wouldn't call myself paranoid. I think suspicious is more accurate."

Jane had to practically hold her jaw up so it didn't drag on the floor. "What are you doing here? You do realize this church is filled with the majority of the Boston Police Department?"

Patty Doyle smiled. "I like a challenge."

Jane leveled him with a disbelieving glare.

"It's her wedding day." He shrugged as if his presence was an unavoidable fact of life.

Jane couldn't argue with that. There would be hell to pay if he hadn't showed.

"There's a nice little balcony on the upper level that's not very visible from the pews. I'm watching from there."

"She'll be bummed you can't walk her down the aisle. I know she wanted that."

"Korsak will make a fine replacement."

Jane was quick to catch the momentary flash of emotion across his face. The sorrows of a man who regrets the life of crime he's led. Regrets so deep she knew she'd never fully grasp their magnitude.

-/-

"Janie!"

Jane froze in mortification as every set of eyes in the room looked towards Angela Rizzoli and then followed the woman's line of vision to where Jane had just entered the main hall. _No, that crazy woman is not my mother. I don't know who she is. She's obviously mistaken me for someone else. Pay no attention to her._

When Angela Rizzoli saw that her daughter was very blatantly ignoring her, she bustled down the isle towards her.

Jane retreated a few steps back out of the main hall. Angela Rizzoli was known to get a little loud and she didn't want all the wedding guests to hear what her mother had to say.

"Ma, you are in a church. Think you could tone it down just a little?"

Angela scoffed. "I'm mother of the bride. I have every right to…"

"You are not mother of the bride."

Angela Rizzoli glared disapprovingly at her daughter. "In the absence of her real, good-for-nothing mother, I am."

Jane sighed. She'd already tried to argue this point several times and hadn't made any headway on the subject with her. It was best just to let it go. The last thing this ceremony needed was an angry mother of the bride.

"Have you seen Maura?" Angela smiled brightly. "She looks stunning."

Jane couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. "Of course I haven't. The 'groom's party' had to stay on the other side of the hall, you know that. No seeing the bride or the maid of honor. Not until the ceremony."

"Speaking of ceremony, do you think you two could get to your places?" Jane didn't notice Frank Rizzoli had joined them until he spoke.

He grabbed Angela and led her down to their seats in the front pew.

Jane went straight to her place by the altar. Frost was already there, in position. He looked relieved once he saw her, but she could still see the twinge of nervousness in his gaze that surely mirrored her own.

It only took seconds for the three of them to appear, though it seemed like an eternity to Jane. The maid of honor first, and behind her, the bride on the arm of the stand-in father, Korsak.

Maura was the only person Jane had eyes for, and she had no control over the sparkling smile that graced her own face. It was involuntary; an automatic reaction to Maura's very presence.

The minister's daughter started to play Wagner's Bridal Chorus on the organ and Jane felt her heart skip a beat as Maura came up the aisle, keeping a slow pace with the classical bridal march.

_"I was just thinking…" Jane's gaze dropped in momentary contemplation of the words she was about to say. She lifted her gaze and Maura saw determination in her eyes. "Will you marry me?"_

It was the question, the moment that had changed Jane's life forever.

As the bridal party reached the altar, Korsak lifted the veil and kissed the bride-to-be's cheek.

The audience took their seats.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of Barrett Dustin Frost and Erin Dacey O'Bryan."


	2. Observing Customs

DISCLAIMER:: rizzoli, isles, and all characters affiliated with the show do not belong to me.

A/N:: sorry i took so long posting. i wish i had a good excuse, but i don't. i merely forgot. but i will try to stay on top of my updates. especially since i'm trying to make this sequel even more intense than the first installment and i don't want anyone to lose interest. enjoy!

-/-

"Hey _Barrett_!"

Every cop in the room cracked up as Barry Frost blushed a deep shade of crimson.

Jane shot Darren Crowe a seething look. Couldn't he act his age for one afternoon? Obviously not.

She glanced three spots down the main table to where Maura sat, nursing a glass of champagne.

She looked skinnier than she had when Jane had last seen her two years ago. But that didn't change that she was unbelievably beautiful to Jane. The memory of her, the one Jane frequently returned to in her mind, did no justice to the real thing. Her hair was swept away from her face in a romantic up 'do. Her strapless emerald gown, complemented her eyes in an ethereal way, and it bared the scar on her neck for everyone to see but she didn't shy away from the stares. Two years had taught her to wear it like a badge of honor. Regal, that's how she looked.

As if she suddenly sensed Jane's gaze, she tensed. But Jane's heart sank when she refused to look her way.

The band started to play a slow song and Jane watched as her own father crossed the room and propositioned the lovely maid of honor. She agreed with a smile and took his hand. Jane did her best to keep her eyes from narrowing as she watched her father spin her ex around the dance floor. _Traitor_.

"Care to dance with me, best man?"

Jane looked taken aback at the suggestion but she regained her composure enough to nod. They took an empty spot on the dance floor.

"It took a lot of convincing on Erin's part to get her to come."

Jane tensed in her partner's arms. "I'm sure it was really inconvenient for her to fly all the way across country for her sister's wedding." Jane's voice was filled with contempt she didn't really feel. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she would have been devastated if Maura had declined to come to the wedding.

She watched the other couples: Korsak and Erin, Frank and Maura, and even Angela had managed to get Murray up out of his seat.

"It's been hard on her too Jane."

Jane scoffed. "Oh yeah, I'm sure it devastated her." She shook her head. "She moved to the other side of the country… almost the maximum distance she could put between us and still live in the U.S. That was all her decision; I had no hand in that."

Frost sighed, but let it go.

As the song ended, the band announced that it was time for the newlywed's first dance. Frost happily took his wife's hand and led her to the floor. Jane watched as they waltzed together, lost in each other, and she felt the familiar pang of jealousy. Her jealous side had reared its ugly head many times during the course of Erin and Frost's relationship. _That was supposed to be me out there, with Maura_.

The waltz ended, but the couple kept dancing, and the band flowed effortlessly into another slow song. Everyone proceeded to pair off and join them.

Someone cleared their throat behind Jane and she turned around, fully expecting to see Korsak with a desperate look. Instead her breath caught in her throat as she fell deep into the intense gaze of Maura Isles.

"I believe it's customary for the best man and the maid of honor to share a dance."

Jane's mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to find the right words to say. After all, she had been dreaming of this moment ever since Erin announced who her maid of honor would be.

"Dance with me Jane."

It was the small, almost plea, behind her smile that made Jane nod. She held out her hand to Maura and the honey haired woman took it without a moment's hesitation. Jane led her onto the dance floor. When they found a spot Maura put her arms around Jane's neck and Jane's slipped easily around Maura's tiny waist.

"You look breathtaking Maura." It was the most honest thing she'd said in quite some time, after months of fake reassurance to her family and colleagues that she was fine and over it.

Maura smiled. "I had almost forgotten how easy it was."

Jane's eyebrow furrowed. "How easy what was?"

Maura smiled again. "Spending time with you. It feels comfortable."

"How's San Francisco?" Jane's quick change in subject was do in part to the fact that she really couldn't handle going down that road when she knew it would lead nowhere. That and also to remind Maura that this had been her choice.

"It is warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer." She lowered her gaze, no longer maintaining eye contact.

"Do you ever miss it?"

Maura glanced up. "Boston or us?"

Jane shrugged. "Both."

"Yes." Her answer was immediate.

The song chose that particular moment to end.

_No, I need more time. Damn it!_ "Which one?"

Maura pulled out of her arms. "Both."

Jane followed Maura off the floor but the shorter woman disappeared out of the reception hall before she could catch her attention.

"Jane!"

She turned to see Korsak heading her way through the crowd. She tried not to look annoyed that he had destroyed all chance of her catching up to Maura, but she was unsuccessful.

"What Korsak?"

"We got a case."

"It's Frost's wedding day!"

Korsak shrugged. "That means he gets a vacation, not us."

Jane raised her arms towards the heavens. "Is one friggin' day without any suspicious deaths in the greater Boston metro area too much to ask for?"

"Just think of it this way… it saved you from making an ass out of yourself chasing after Dr. Isles."

She glowered at him. "Go get the car. I'm gonna go tell Frost why his best man is gonna miss her speech."


	3. Deja Vu

DISCLAIMER:: not mine.

A/N:: another update for you guys with another one following on sunday. i promise i will explain it all in time, through flashbacks and dialouge, but everyone will just have to be patient. there are a lot of unresolved issues between our ladies that i plan to resolve over the course of this story, and this particular situation that they've found themselves in is something that resonates with me personally (well everything except for the parts with murder victims), so i really want to write it well. enjoy!

-/-

Newton. It was no Beacon Hill, but it did have its fair share of pricey homes.

The first responding officer met them at the bright yellow police tape surrounding the front walk up to the spacious house. It wasn't often they got called out to the far reaches of suburbia.

"Officer Kyle Sanker. I was first on scene."

"Detectives Korsak and Rizzoli." Korsak introduced them as they ducked under the barrier. "What have we got?"

"Our vic is Marnie Ries, 28 year old Caucasian female. Her husband is on his way back from a business conference in Beijing. The perp came in through an open bathroom window. CSU is sweeping the backyard, looking for any trace. The ME is inside with the body, got here just a few minutes before you did."

He led them in through the massive oak front door, where he handed them shoe covers. The foyer was big enough to double as a her childhood home.

Jane and Korsak followed the officer through a series of rooms, each one devoid of any sign of a crime. At the back of the ground floor they came to a small bathroom. The small window was open to the backyard where Jane could see two men searching the perimeter for evidence.

"The perp came in through here. The window was left open. It had a screen, but the perp sliced and removed it, propped it against the house." He led her back the way they came. "There's no evidence we've found on the first floor to suggest he lingered down here for any amount of time. I'm guessing he'd already staked out the house."

When they made it back to the foyer and were faced with the staircase, he stopped. "I have to warn you, it's not pretty."

Jane was already sliding on latex gloves. She glanced over at Korsak and then back at Officer Sanker. "We'll be fine."

Officer Sanker shrugged. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

He led them up the staircase to the second floor landing. A lone hallway stood before them, six open doors dotting it. It ended in a turn, obviously another hallway with more rooms.

"Did you check the other rooms?"

"Yes, ma'am. All the doors except that of the master bedroom were closed and appeared to have been unentered by our perp."

Jane glanced in several guest rooms and bathrooms as they passed them. They rounded the bend in the hall and here was where Jane saw the first evidence of foul play.

"Keep to the right."

Droplets of blood, like breadcrumbs, dotted the hallway's beige carpet.

Sanker paused outside the doorway to the master bedroom and looked about ready to give them another warning to turn back while they still had the chance, but something in their expressions must have made him change his mind, because he just nodded and led the way into the bedroom.

The first thing Jane noticed, despite the blood and the corpse that begged her attention was the other female still alive in the room.

"Maur…Dr. Isles… what are you doing here?"

Maura looked up from where she crouching over the corpse of Mrs. Ries. "Dr. Bristol was rather inebriated at the wedding, so I was asked to step in for this case. Will that be a problem Detective Rizzoli?"

Jane shook her head because she couldn't trust herself to speak.

"Good." Maura stood. "Mrs. Ries was attacked here, on the bed." She pointed to the other side of the room where a king size bed lay in disarray. "The amount of blood is consistent with the cut she received to her throat, and the spatter pattern on the wall is consistent with cast off from a small blade. Defensive wounds on her forearms indicate she tried to fight back. I believe she tried to run. I will have to wait until I get her back to the lab and run a tox screen to be sure, but she appears to have been subdued with a paralytic agent. I found a small injection site at the base of her neck. She fell here, where he finished."

Jane had spent the whole time focused on Maura. How she had changed out of her gown, but left her hair up…how this was just like old times… and finally shock at how much had changed. Maura had never been one for assumptions. She stuck to the facts and here she was speculating how a murder took place. But as Maura brought her attention to the body and she really looked at Marnie Ries for the first time, she felt herself growing sick. The woman on the floor was tall, with dark curly hair, dark eyes. The negligee she had slept in was crusted with still drying blood and pushed crudely up, revealing a bare abdomen, or what should have been a bare abdomen. A gaping hole resided where smooth flesh should have been.

Slowly, she walked carefully over to the body and crouched beside her. She examined the wound without touching it. The view into the hole left her staring at an empty cavity pooled with blood.

"She was alive when he did it." Jane looked up at Maura for a confirmation she didn't need.

"I'll have to wait until I've finished the autopsy to determine whether the cut to her throat or the abdominal damage is the cause of death, but yes, she was still alive when he cut into her stomach."

"Did he…"

Maura knew the question even before she asked it. "Yes, it was taken."

Jane nodded and stood.

Maura frowned. "But you know it's impossible?"

Jane looked somberly down at the brutalized body of Marnie Ries. "I know but it's also too similar to be a coincidence."

"Mind cluing us in here ladies?"

Jane looked over at Korsak as if only now remembering that he was there. "I've seen this MO before, and so have you."


	4. Invitation Only

DISCLAIMER:: not mine.

A/N:: it is 11:56pm as i write this, so technically i am posting on sunday, like i promised. work ran really late or i would have had this up earlier. if you've read the books as well as seen the show, you'll catch on to the storyline here pretty quick. i'm blending the two worlds together, taking the relationship/friendship factor from the show and the crime half more from the book. the show never really went into detail about charles hoyt [warren hoyt in the books]. i hope everyone enjoys, whether you've read the books or not.

-/-

"We need to assemble a task force. Me, you, Crowe, and Moore… he'll most certainly want in on this, considering what Hoyt almost did to his wife… twice."

Detective's Moore's surgeon wife had been the obsession of Charles Hoyt prior to the night him and Jane Rizzoli had crossed paths… the night she had tried to save Catherine… the night he'd given her those nasty little reminders on her hands.

Korsak nodded and ran off into the bullpen to make the appropriate calls.

"Do you mind if I sit in on your meeting? The majority of the Charles Hoyt case was prior to my employment. I read through his entire file last time he escaped, but I think hearing an account from some of the few people to ever face him and live would be highly beneficial."

Jane ran a hand through her hair and turned to face Maura Isles. She was sure the exhaustion was written all over her face, especially when Maura's expression turned to one of regret and she looked down.

"You don't want me in there."

Jane took an involuntary step away from her ex. "It's not that Dr. Isles. I just find it hard to keep things professional, considering how things ended."

Maura sighed. "It's just one case Jane. I don't see why we can't put this aside for one case. It's going to take up all our time just trying to catch our killer; there won't be time for feelings."

Jane shook her head, chuckling dryly at how cruel this day had been. "You really don't comprehend just how much you hurt me, do you? You really have no idea." She turned towards the door to the bullpen. "No, I don't want you there." Changing her mind, she turned back. "No, you know what? Come. If you're in there maybe the added brain power will help us catch this guy faster. The sooner we do the sooner you'll be back on a plane to the west coast and out of my sight."

She stormed angrily through the door, leaving Maura out there alone in the hall, staring after her, tears silently making tracks down her cheeks.

-/-

Criminal psychologist and profiler Dr. Lawrence Zucker paced the front of the conference room. Before him, spread across the long table were dozens of photos of the body of Marnie Ries and the bedroom in which she was found.

The detectives all sat front and center, in the seats closest to the profiler as he paced and thought. It was Maura Isles who kept the far side of the table company. She knew she was only meant to be an observer here. When task forces were assembled they rarely called on the medical examiner for help unless it was to know cause and time of death.

Jane wouldn't even look her way. She was tight, rigid, Maura could read it in her posture even from a room away. Jane didn't want her here and she oozed that from every pore of her body.

"The case is so similar to Hoyt's MO." Moore spoke up and Dr. Zucker paused mid-pace.

"But this isn't Hoyt." Jane slid a photo of the abdominal wound closer and pushed it back away almost immediately. "Hoyt is methodical. He wants everything perfect. Not to mention his medical knowledge; he would never leave a crime scene in this much disarray."

Dr. Zucker nodded. "Detective Rizzoli is right. This is not the work of Charles Hoyt. Nor do I think it's the work of another apprentice. Although Hoyt has made no secrets about training others that he considers to be 'like him', this is neither his own work nor the work of his tutelage. No, our unsub is an amateur, but he's taken Hoyt as his idol."

Jane paled at the very thought of anyone idolizing such a sick… no, she couldn't even refer to Hoyt as a human being.

From across the room, Maura caught Jane involuntarily rubbing the scars on her palms. _The people responsible for the scars on my body are both dead now, while the person responsible for hers lives on… and he may be indirectly responsible for this murder._

"Well our next step is apparent." Korsak broke the silence that had settled uncomfortably over the room.

No one wanted to think about going and confronting the psychopath that was Charles Hoyt.

"I'll go; he'll talk to me." Jane looked as if seeing Charles Hoyt was the last thing in the world she wanted to do at this or any other moment in her life, but Jane's sense of dedication to the badge would always put her in uncomfortable situations and she'd learned long ago never to shy away from that.

"No."

Every single head in the room, including Jane's, turned her way, but the attention only made Maura sit up straighter.

"No?" Dr. Zucker raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

"I should go." Maura looked at each of the men in turn until her gaze settled on Jane.

"Don't be ridiculous, why would we send you to interview Hoyt? He won't respond to you."

Jane hadn't meant to be offensive, but Maura flinched anyway.

"He will respond to me, Detective Rizzoli, of that I am absolutely certain."

Dr. Zucker looked between the two women, clearly amused that all of the men in the room had seemingly disappeared, becoming simple observers as these two women came in each others crosshairs.

"And how can you be so certain?"

"Because Charles Hoyt invited me."


	5. The One Connection

DISCLAIMER:: don't own anything

A/N:: where as saved focused mostly on jane and her search for maura, this sequel is going to be the exact opposite. this is maura's story and most of the introspective parts are going to be from her point of view over jane's. that being said, this chapter is the first one where maura and jane really have a decent moment alone together and there will be plenty more to come. stay tuned for the interview with hoyt in the next couple chapters... it's my favorite part of the story so far. enjoy as always and don't forget that reviews are love!

-/-

Maura stared down into the clouded-over eyes of Marnie Ries.

Almost two and a half years before, when she had been shot in the chest on the front steps of headquarters, she hadn't been afraid of death. There was a purpose in the choice she made that day, and it hadn't even crossed her mind to be afraid, it was simply a necessary decision, better her than the woman she loved. But that night in Jane's apartment had changed everything. It had brought fear to the forefront of her mind and now every single day she dwelled in it.

_Who killed you Marnie?_

It was impossible not to draw similarities between Mrs. Ries and Jane. They were similar in nearly every physical aspect, and the symbolism of that was not lost on Maura. Whoever was responsible for this was obviously working their way up to the ultimate gift to their idol, the one he cherished the most, Jane Rizzoli.

But Maura knew better than that. Hoyt would be quite enraged if this unsub touched Jane. Jane was his territory and Maura knew he would wait decades if it meant he got to kill her himself.

She put her scalpel to dead skin and began the Y incision when the doors burst open. She didn't look up; she knew without looking who was there. She had been expecting Jane ever since she left the conference room without an explanation as to Hoyt's invitation.

"Hoyt's had no outgoing mail or calls to anyone but his lawyer in the past six months; I checked myself."

Maura had just finished her incision and she sighed and finally looked up, setting the scalpel on a tray. She pulled the cover up over Marnie's body and stripped off her latex gloves and tossed them in the trash; she'd have to put on a new pair when she resumed the autopsy. She pulled off her gown and set it aside, motioning for Jane to follow her from the autopsy suite into the adjoining office, where she'd set up temporary home base.

"Hoyt invited me in person."

"What? How?" Jane sunk into her old seat, next to Maura's desk.

Maura didn't take her usual seat, but remained standing, gazing at the covered body on her autopsy table.

"I went to see Charles Hoyt a few weeks before I left for San Francisco."

Jane shot out of her chair so fast she nearly hit the ceiling. "What?"

"He'd seen TV coverage of the shooting here, and then of that night at your apartment. He asked if I'd come speak to him." Maura knew Jane would easily compute the time frame to when they were still together.

"And you agreed?"

Maura had expected the disbelieving tone. She knew Jane well enough to know Jane would not understand her decision, which is why she hadn't shared it with her at the time.

"Yes, I did."

"Why you?"

Maura sighed and looked at Jane for the first time since they'd entered the office. "Because, whether you realize it or not Jane, Hoyt and I have always had one thing connecting us… you. We are two opposing forces focused on your destruction, him upon causing it and me upon preventing it."

Jane just stared at her with an open mouth. "You…you never told me."

"Because I knew how you would react."

"So? I would have gotten over it!" She turned away from Maura to compose herself. This wasn't what she came down here for. She didn't want to yell and fuss about things in the past. When she turned back around, she was all business. "What did he want to talk to you about?"

Maura frowned. "You. Me."

"He's not the reason you left, is he?"

Maura could read the pain in Jane's eyes like a book. Charles Hoyt had been the cause of so much pain in her life, and she knew Jane wouldn't be able to take it if he had been the cause of her departure too. "Not entirely, no."

"Was I?"

Maura closed the distance between them and hugged Jane, holding the lanky detective even tighter when she tried to pull away. "No."

But even as she heard and felt Maura's sincerity, Jane still didn't believe it. "It was because I asked you to marry me, wasn't it? It was too soon. I loved you too much, too fast."

Maura pulled back just enough to look into Jane's eyes. "Don't you dare say that! You can never love someone too much Jane."

"But I didn't love you enough to keep you."

Maura pulled away as if Jane's words had burned her. She turned her back to Jane. "At the time, I didn't think the proposal was sincere. I thought you were afraid, that you were acting out of fear of loss rather than actual love."

"Is that why you said no?" Jane's voice was right in her ear, she could almost feel her body close enough to touch.

"No." Maura shook her head. "I wanted a future together too much. I still would have married you, even if you had proposed solely out of desperation."

"Then why?"

"Dr. Isles?"

Jane nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Moore's voice.

Maura composed herself and put a professionally appropriate amount of space between her body and Jane's. "We're in here."

Moore suddenly filled the doorway, the look on his face betraying the bad news he was about to share. "I just got a call. It seems the mail screeners at the prison caught an interesting package addressed to a Mr. Charles Hoyt."


	6. The Ghost Of Interrogations Past

DISCLAIMER:: not mine and all that

A/N:: another updatethis is one of my favorite chapters so far, i'm taking a page from my psychology class as well as from mr. hannibal lector to create the mindset of charles hoyt. it's been interesting. things are pretty crazy here, but i will try my very best to keep steady updates. i appreciate everyone who's stuck with me through saved, and now this new fic. i really appreciate everyone who reads, as well as those who take the time to review. thanks, and enjoy.

-/-

It took Maura longer than normal to complete the autopsy of Marnie Ries, but they were forced to wait for her. Hoyt had specifically extended an invitation to her after all and she couldn't leave Marnie's autopsy half finished. Jane stayed with her the whole time, silently watching the way she moved about the lab with an old familiarity, up until the Y incision was finally stitched up.

She leaned against the wall by the doors to the suite as Maura methodically removed the last remnants of death, stripping off gown and gloves and letting her hair out of its ponytail to cascade down her shoulders. She did things as effortlessly as she always had and Jane felt the familiar stab of pain near her heart.

"Are we going to get the opportunity to catch up?"

Maura grabbed her purse and crossed the room towards her. She paused next to her and shrugged sadly. "It depends on this case." She put her hand to Jane's forearm, an apology. "I can't stay in Boston forever."

Jane knew it was an apology, and warning. Maura was trying to spare a repeat of the detruction her departure had wrought two years ago. And just like that time, Jane chose not to awknowledge the words.

-/-

Charles Hoyt had requested meeting with them in their own interview room at headquarters but Maura and Jane both refused. Better not to let him get even the slightest taste of freedom… he'd gotten out once before and he was smart enough to do it again.

The down side to interview rooms in prison is the privacy. They come equipped with video cameras that are monitored through the whole exchange, but no sound, strictly because they were hardly used for police business but rather as a private meeting place for a criminal and his or her lawyer.

Maura set the tape recorder on the far side of the table where Hoyt would not possibly be able to reach it. She hadn't started recoding yet, and was thankful, because she didn't want the detectives to later listen to her erratic breathing.

"I'm going to be monitoring the film as you interrogate him. If anything goes wrong, just give the guard the signal and we'll be in there in a second, okay?"

Maura smiled and nodded with a bravery she didn't feel. The last time she had faced Hoyt had been brief, but disturbing.

**Two Years Ago**

_He was heavily chained as they led him in, after his escape they we're dead set on not giving him the opportunity to escape again._

_The guard plopped him down in the seat across from her and retreated to the door. "When your finished ma'am, just call for me."_

_"Thank you, I will."_

_He glowered at Hoyt briefly before retreating out the door and closing it behind him._

_"Dr. Isles, it was so nice of you to come by and visit. I have missed you so much. And Jane. I've missed Jane a great deal. Tell me, how is she?"_

_"Jane is doing well."_

_"You don't seem as convinced of that as you're trying to sound. Don't lie for my benefit."_

_"Mr. Hoyt, you requested my presence here. Why don't you tell me exactly what it is you want?"_

_Charles Hoyt stared at her for a long time in silence, studying her. She felt his gaze violating every inch of her, but she refused to flinch away._

_"You've changed, Maura. Is it the shooting three months ago… no, it's something else." His smile was one of amusement. "It was what happened in Jane's apartment, wasn't it? The reporters on TV say you shot that agent in self defense. You killed her. Tell me, Maura, how does the blood on your hands feel? It's thrilling isn't it? Taking a life. Knowing that you played the roll of God in that moment?"_

_Maura couldn't help but shift uncomfortably as he pressed against the one button she desperately wanted to remain un-pressed._

_He saw that he was gaining the upper hand and he went in for the kill. "Does she love you more now? Because you're just like me now? She thinks of me. Every time her hands touch you, every time she feels the friction of your skin against those scars, she thinks of me. And it excites her, doesn't it? That you murdered for her? Call it self defense if you want but we, Maura, are cut from the same cloth. We both killed in her name and we both present our kills at her feet. We…"_

_"There is no 'we'. You and I are nothing alike!"_

_Hoyt smirked. "Be careful of that temper. It could make you do something irrational." He leaned forward, commanding her attention. "We are one Dr. Isles, bound together by an obsession with the same woman that has led us both to take another life."_

_"We're done here." Maura stood. "Guard!"_

_The guard had the door open less than a second later and she made a beeline for the door, for air._

_"Oh doctor, one last question before you go?"_

_Against her better judgment, Maura turned in the doorway._

_Charles Hoyt glanced over his shoulder, smirk still firmly in place. "Does she still taste as good as I remember?"_

"Maura?"

Maura's head snapped up as the memory faded. She looked up into Jane's dark eyes, intense with concern.

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? You don't have to do this."

Maura reached out and squeezed Jane's hand. The touch was so brief that Jane barely registered it before she pulled her hand away again. "I'll be fine… I just got lost in thought for a moment."

"Okay. Remember, I'm a signal away." Jane looked almost reluctant to go, something in her eyes almost pleading with Maura to change her mind, or at the very least ask her to stay.

Maura nodded. "I know."

Finally Jane retreated outside the small stone room and Maura was once again alone. She pressed the record button on the tape recorder.

When the door opened, she looked up.

Charles Hoyt was grinning from ear to ear as the guard placed him in the seat across from her and gave her the instructions to once again holler when she was through.

Once he was gone, Charles Hoyt spoke.

"So nice of you to return Maura. I trust Jane is well?"


	7. Reading Between The Lines

DISCLAIMER:: i own nothing.

A/N:: another chapter with hoyt. as well as some minor insight into the reasons maura left boston, or more accurately, the reasons she wants to believe she left boston. more to come soon. enjoy!

-/-

"I'm not here to discuss Detective Rizzoli."

"Oooh, using formal titles, are we? That means either you're censoring yourself for that little electronic ear over there," he nodded his head toward the tape recorder, "or you and Jane have ended your relationship."

"Do you know the reason I'm here Mr. Hoyt?"

He frowned, upset that she refused to play his game. "I would assume you want to know about the new guy in town. I heard about him on TV just this morning. I hear he's got a thing for brunette housewives. Tell me, Dr. Isles, did he slit her throat? Did he sleep with her before or after he killed her?"

Maura knew where to tread carefully, she'd been coached by Jane the whole ride over. Don't give him any details, just try and twist things around to see what he knows. "Have you been contacted by anyone, a fan of your work maybe?"

He frowned. "Now you're not playing fair. Tell me Maura, exactly why I should tell you what I know, if I do in fact know anything, when you have yet to answer any question I ask you? If this is how the rest of our conversation is going to proceed, I think I'd rather retire early. Gua…"

"One question for one question. Then we can both part ways. "

He smiled. "That's better. How is Jane?"

"I honestly don't know. I'm on loan from San Francisco for this case." Maura wasn't surprised he'd used his one question to ask her that. His mind always went to Jane, just like hers. "Were you contacted by Marnie Ries' killer prior to her death?"

"Yes, I have been contacted by the person I believe to be her killer."

Maura grabbed the tape recorder and pressed stop. "I must say I feel like I cheated you. You gave me exactly what I needed and I gave you nothing."

"Quite the contrary Maura, your answer told me more than you think. By telling me that you are here from San Francisco tells me you left her and not the other way around. One doesn't move across country because their lover left them, a city or two maybe but not three thousand miles, however one does go that far to run from a past they can't handle. The fact that you chose to use the phrase 'on loan' means there are no immediate plans of reconciliation. And the fact that you don't know how she's feeling indicates there is a barrier against communication between you and Jane, most likely has been for quite some time. So, you see, your answer told me everything I needed to know."

Maura was shaken to her very core. "Guard!"

As the guard retrieved Hoyt, he turned back to her. "I look forward to our next talk Dr. Isles. And tell Jane, she doesn't have to hide behind the camera. She's invited too."

-/-

"He creeps me the fuck out." Jane brought the last box into the conference room.

Maura nodded. "I'm quite certain that's his goal."

"You don't have to pull an all nighter with me. You can go home." Jane flopped down into the seat next to Maura and pulled the lid off the first box, dumping the contents in front of her.

Maura reached for the first letter. "I have no home to go to." She shrugged. "Besides, like you said, the sooner we get this case done, the faster you're rid of me."

"Maura… I shouldn't have said that. I was just angry, you know that right?"

"It's okay Jane." Maura scanned the letter and set it aside.

They discussed Hoyt for a brief period of time before settling into the steady silence of concentration on the task at hand. Unfortunately for them, Hoyt hadn't made things easy. He hadn't narrowed down the time frame of when he was contacted by their unsub, just that he had been contacted prior to the murder. And even more unfortunate, he had kept every single letter he'd ever received from a "fan". It was going to take them all night and well into the next day and they both knew it. All the men had opted to sleep and start in the next morning, only Maura had agreed to spend the night in the conference room with Jane.

They were through three of the thirteen boxes before either of them spoke. It was Jane who broke the silence.

"Do you ever think about me?"

Maura glanced over the top of her current letter at Jane, who was staring intently at her own letter, pretending to read. She looked back to the letter and finished it before she answered.

"More than you might think." She sighed. "It wasn't as easy as you seem to think it was for me to leave Boston. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done."

"Then why'd you do it?" Jane finally looked up from her letter.

Maura shrugged and sipped from her coffee that had long since gone ice cold. A flash of emotion played across her eyes, but she quickly suppressed it. "Why does anyone run? I was afraid."

Jane tossed the letter aside and angled her body in her seat so she could see Maura straight on. "Of me?"

Maura, seeing that she wasn't going to get out of this conversation so easily, finally admitted defeat. She had feared this conversation would come.

"Yes. And of me, among other things."

"Why?"

"Why was I afraid of you? Or of me?"

Jane frowned. "Both."

"I loved you Jane, everything inside of me wanted to be with you. It had gotten to the point where if I woke up without you, I'd feel lost. It's the most vulnerable I've ever been in my life. And when I went to see Hoyt, he said something to me that really hit home."

"I knew it was that bastard's fault! He was just trying to get into your head Maura; he was fucking with your mind. That's what he does." Jane ran a hand through her unruly curls in frustration.

"Yes Jane, but the only reason he's able to fuck with us is because he picks up on and addresses the fears we already have. He's not bringing up anything we haven't thought in the privacy of our own mind. He was right, what he said that day."

"What'd he say?"

Maura shook her head. "It's not important anymore."

"_Bullshit_! It's important to me! It's the reason I don't have you anymore."

Jane saw the wall slip between them again. Maura stood. "I'm going to get some fresh coffee."

"Don't walk away Maura. I'm trying."

Maura let out a frustrated breath. "Trying for what Jane? What do you expect to come of all this talking? Do you expect it to change anything? Do you think if I tell you how Hoyt called me a murderer, it's going to change what happened? We're the same, him and I. We both have killed for you Jane! I took a life for you! That makes me no better than him!"

Jane grabbed Maura's hand and pulled gently; the honey blonde fell effortlessly into her lap. Jane placed both of her hands on the sides of Maura's face and made her look her in the eye. "Listen to me. Don't you ever, _EVER_ for a second think you are anything like him. You will never be him! You hear me? _NEVER_. No one here has ever looked at you differently for what you did that day. You may have taken a life but you saved more."

"But who am I to play God?"

Jane shook her head. "You didn't. She did. She would have killed us all without even batting an eyelash. You did the right thing and I feel responsible that I didn't tell you that enough."

Maura gazed into Jane's eyes. "Please don't do this."

Jane frowned. "Do what?"

Maura lowered her eyes, no longer able to face Jane's easy forgiveness.

"Make me love you again."


	8. Waking Up In Boston

DISCLAIMER:: not mine unfortunately

A/N:: i live in san francisco, which means that i have recieved about twenty million flyers over the course of the past six months telling me the world is going to end sometime tomorrow. so, in honor of the "end of the world", i am posting two chapters tonight. a parting gift from me, if things go as predicted (though i don't for a second believe it will).

-/-

When Korsak entered the bullpen the next morning, he was there before anyone else. He wasn't typically a morning person but he hadn't slept well, a result of guilt he felt for leaving the girls alone all night to do grunt work that everyone on the task force should share.

He grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the conference room. When he opened the door the first thing he noticed was the mess of paper on the table. Two mini mountains of envelopes stacked on the table. Empty boxes were stacked on the floor in neat little towers as well as two open boxes still on the table. Then he noticed the girls. Jane and Maura were both asleep on their arms amidst the piles, as if they'd just rested their heads on their arms for a second in between letters and dozed off. But it was the way Jane's body leaned against Maura's that made him smile.

Over the past two years he had seen the slow steady destruction Maura's absence had had on Jane's emotions. She had gone from being this tough, in your face detective to a quiet passive observer. She did her job and she did it with the same efficiency she always had, but she no longer had a sense of humor about things; there was no longer a fire that drove her.

"Jane. Jane, wake up." Korsak whispered to her.

Finally Jane looked up, sleep clouding her eyes. She looked confused to see Korsak there and then, as the room came completely into focus, she remembered where she was, and who she was with. She glanced over at Maura, still sleeping like a rock and smiled.

"You should go home and get some rest, let me and the other guys handle the rest. I'll call you if we find anything."

Jane nodded and stood, stretching. She looked down at Maura.

"I don't want to wake her."

Jane leaned down and scooped the blonde into her arms. Maura shifted slightly but didn't wake. Korsak led the way, holding open doors all the way until they reached Jane's car. Jane carefully set Maura in the front seat, amazed at how light she was. She leaned across her and buckled her in.

"Call me the second you guys find anything useful."

"I will."

-/-

When Maura awoke it was to sunlight on her face. She smiled and relished the feeling of the warmth on her skin.

Her eyes fluttered open and it was only then she realized that this was all wrong. She didn't recognize the room where she was and she had no recollection of how she'd gotten here. She sat up and as the sun from the window hit the bare skin of her back she realized that she was clad only in lingerie. She got up and wrapped the top sheet around her body, looking around the room. It was neat and unadorned, just the bed and a dresser, nothing else. Her heart started to race. How had she gotten here? How did she get taken out of headquarters without Jane noticing?

She headed for the door and slowly opened it a crack. An empty hallway stared back at her. She crept down it slowly until she emerged in a living room that, like the bedroom, was impersonal. A couch stood in its center, a coffee table in front of it. A flat screen, obviously the most valuable item in the room, was mounted on the wall.

"I live simply now."

Maura nearly leapt out of her skin as she whirled around, her muscles tensed on the defensive. She relaxed when she saw that it was Jane, dressed in her normal work attire of tailored dress pants and a tight shirt.

"This is your new apartment?"

Jane nodded.

Maura walked over and flopped down on the couch. "You brought me here?"

Jane chuckled. "Yeah. You were out like a light. I would have thought you were dead had you not been breathing."

Maura shrugged. "I…uh, don't sleep very well these days. When I get comfortable, my body takes advantage."

They lapsed into silence for several moments, neither quite sure what to say to the other.

"You stripped me?"

Jane nodded sheepishly. "I know you don't like to wrinkle your clothes… you always used to criticize me for sleeping in mine. I tried to get you into some pajamas, but your limbs were just not responding."

Jane crossed the room and perched on the opposite end of the couch. "So, who's Kyle?"

Maura's head whipped to face Jane. "Where did you hear that name?"

"Your phone was ringing nonstop. I thought it might be Korsak with a lead. I didn't answer or anything, but it kept saying Kyle was calling."

"Kyle is a… friend from San Francisco. I was supposed to check in this morning."

"You check in with your friends?" Jane raised an eyebrow.

"I always did with you."

"That's different, we were… oh." It finally dawned on her and she felt her heart sink to somewhere in the vicinity of her feet. "Kyle's your boyfriend."

"It's not like that Jane." She sighed and ran a hand across her face, which suddenly looked much more tired than Jane had seen it mere seconds before. "But not for lack of effort on his part."

Jane couldn't help the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach. He had tried and Maura had shot him down. That meant something, right?

"He's not your type huh?"

"Don't gloat Jane, it's unbecoming. He's actually quite my type. He's brilliant and charismatic… and he cares about me a great deal."

"Not near as much as I do."

"Why?" Maura sighed, her head falling back against the couch. "Don't you think it's time you moved on with your life Jane? We live a world away now. You wouldn't even know me anymore."

Jane shook her head. She scooted closer until she was practically on top of the ME. "Now that's where you're wrong. I know you better than anybody else does or ever will. I know you better than I know myself. Moving on is not an option for me; it never has been. From the moment I met you, it was over for me, I was done. That's what it means to meet your soul mate Maura, nobody else will ever do."

Maura felt her heart break. This was precisely the reason she hadn't wanted to return. When Erin had propositioned her to be her maid of honor, she had originally declined the offer. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but she had left Jane so abruptly and with no explanation. You can't do that and expect that the ghosts of your relationship won't linger, especially when your relationship was so perfect. She had hoped that by just leaving, essentially abandoning Jane, that Jane would hate her. How stupid she was to think this would be easy.

Jane saw the regret in her eyes, but she didn't know what she was regretting. Coming back? Leaving in the first place? Hearing Jane's words? She had never been so desperate to get inside Maura's head. "Talk to me Maur. You're my best friend; I want to know what you're feeling."

That more than anything seemed to cause a reaction in Maura. Her hand went up to Jane's cheek and caressed it. "Jane, I need to…"

Jane's cell phone rang.


	9. King Of Inappropriate Timing

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: update two of two. enjoy.

-/-

"You are the king of inappropriate timing, you know that?" Jane answered her cell, angry at being interrupted when she was finally getting the chance to say everything she wanted to.

Maura stood, hugging the sheet around her and looked around for her clothes. Jane grabbed her free hand and held her back.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Korsak didn't sound hurt, just frustrated at having his shit jumped. "You told me to call the second we found anything worthwhile."

Maura struggled against Jane's hand but the brunette detective pulled her closer and gave her a look that stopped her struggling. She flopped back down on the couch with a sigh.

"Did you guys find a lead in the letters? Please tell me you found this whack job."

Maura looked up, interested now that she knew this conversation involved the case.

"No. We were able to sift through and narrow it down to five suspects, but one's just as twisted as the other."

"So, what's our something worthwhile?"

She could practically hear the frown in Korsak's voice. "They found another victim."

Two minutes later, after Korsak had given her the address, she hung up her phone and ran her hand over her face. They tell you in training never to make things personal. Don't get involved with the victims; don't emotionally invest yourself. Don't let a case consume you. Jane had broken those rules very few times. But she could already predict that this case was going to get to her.

"What'd they find?"

Jane let go of Maura's hand and walked over to the coat closet. She opened it and pulled out the dress Maura had been wearing when they got to the apartment early that morning. She held it out to Maura. "Suit up. They found another body."

-/-

"He's improving."

Jane ducked under the crime scene tape and held it up so Maura could follow her.

"What makes you say that?" She didn't look at Korsak but rather up at the house, not as fancy as the Ries house, but nothing she'd ever be able to afford.

"You'll see when we get inside."

Jane followed Korsak, but paused at the front door and looked back. Maura hadn't moved. She was just standing halfway up the walk, staring at the house. Jane walked back outside.

"Maura? Are you okay?"

Maura looked at her. "My old house is two blocks away from here."

Jane nodded slowly. It had been over two years since she'd been to that house where Maura was taken from. She hadn't even realized they were in its vicinity, but after Maura pointed it out, she noticed things she hadn't noticed driving up. She used to run by this house with Maura when they went out for morning jogs on the days where they didn't feel like hitting the gym.

Jane knew what Maura was thinking: this could have easily been me.

Jane grabbed her hand, oddly enough an action that Maura didn't immediately shy away from. She pulled Maura up the path until they made it to the doorway and the medical examiner could no longer look up at the house.

This was where Maura dropped her hand and put space between her and Jane. They both slipped on paper booties and latex gloves.

As with the other crime scene, the point of entry was an open bathroom window and every room besides the bedroom was devoid of any obvious crime.

The second Jane caught sight of the bedroom she understood what Korsak had meant about their unsub improving. The victim was still on the bed, the slices more clean, less rushed. The blood was confined to the bed and the immediate area around it, the rest of the room lay untouched.

"He was quick, efficient. He's learning from his mistakes."

Jane nodded in agreement. That was apparent. He hadn't given this victim a chance to struggle.

Maura approached the body to do her preliminary exam.

"What's her name?"

Korsak looked down to his notes. "Nia Kettner."

Nia Kettner was also married to a traveling business man who was conveniently out of the country at the time of her death. She had no children, no family, and no relation to their first victim. They lived in different areas, they traveled in different circles. Nothing tied them together, except the way they left the world.

-/-

Maura rolled the just autopsied body of Nia Kettner into the fridge before going into her office and falling into her chair with a sigh.

"You look tired."

Maura looked up and saw Jane leaning casually in the doorway. A brief stab of pain shot through her heart… this was just like old times. This was so… _them_. The closeness, the being around each other all the time, the easiness of it all.

"I've been tired for two years."

"Maybe that's a sign."

"A sign of what?"

"That you made the wrong choice." Jane looked away, avoiding her gaze.

Maura sighed. "I could have told you that."

Jane's head snapped around. She hadn't been expecting that to come out of Maura's mouth. She couldn't speak, couldn't think.

"Do you mind if I stay with you for the duration of this case? I could stay at Erin and Barry's place while they're overseas, but I don't really want to be alone."

Jane was floored. She just nodded her head dumbly. "I'll sleep on the couch. You can have the bed."

Maura shook her head. "We're adults Jane, don't be ridiculous. We can share the bed."

"Can we?"

"You don't trust me to behave?" Maura raised a perfect eyebrow.

"No, I don't trust _me_ to behave." Jane smirked.


	10. Going In Knowing

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: still here waiting for the world to end. as per the request of a loyal fan i am posting chapters 10 and 11 (not 12 though; i have to leave a little mystery). enjoy! and if we're all still here tomorrow, i might post 12.

-/-

They were all seated around the table again, brainstorming this time.

"He's not wasting any time, killing one vic a night."

"CSU found no prints at either crime scene."

"No trace evidence either, no hairs, no foreign fibers."

Jane sighed and tossed the file she was flipping through on the table with a resounding thud. "So in other words, we have nothing? Where are we on our fan letters? Please don't tell me none of them panned out?"

Moore cleared his throat. "We narrowed it down to five possible suspects. Two had alibis, one is recently deceased."

"What about the other two?" Jane leaned across the table. It was the closest thing they'd had to a lead since the autopsy of Nia Kettner.

"One traces back to a Mr. Harold Limon who has a PO Box up in Salem. However, Harold Limon, our supposed author of some pretty grotesque stuff, has been dead for over six years, nearly three years before he started writing this garbage. And the other goes back to the address of a vacant house out in upstate New York. It's a dump of a place that's been declared unsafe to inhabit, but the owner is not willing to have it torn down. It was her childhood home. I had the owner checked out and she's clean, but that doesn't mean someone isn't using the mailbox to send and receive mail. The carrier on that route said he's delivered several letters there in the six months he's had the route but every time he comes back to deliver another, the box is always empty. Somebody's grabbing it."

Jane frowned. "How can Harold Limon's PO Box still be receiving mail? If he's been dead for six years, he obviously hasn't been making payments."

Moore nodded. "That's what crossed my mind too. The employee I spoke to said that our particular PO Box is paid for in cash by a young woman on the first of every January and July. He gave us a description, but he doesn't know her name."

Everyone looked so defeated. They all knew how strict of a clock they were on. If this unsub kept up the frequency of his kills, they'd have another body on their hands by the morning. And there wasn't enough man power to patrol every inch of Boston and the surrounding suburbs.

"I might have a link between our two victims."

Every head in the room whipped around to face Maura. She hardly ever spoke when it wasn't related to an autopsy or crime scene analysis, and she most certainly never used words like might. Or at least she never used to.

When she saw that no one was objecting, she continued. "CSU found Repronex in the house of our second victim, Nia Kettner. Of course, since the womb is missing from both our victims, I can't say with absolute certainty."

"What's Repronex?" Darren Crowe raised an eyebrow. He took a long sip of his coffee.

"It's a fertility medication containing hormones from the purified urine of…"

Darren Crowe spit out his coffee in a blast, narrowly missing Korsak. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Ugh, I'm sorry I asked."

Jane ignored him. "Go on Dr. Isles."

"I think our connection is a fertility clinic in Newton."

Jane shook her head. "There was no evidence of any fertility treatments in the Ries residence."

Maura nodded. "I know, but I… had a hunch. I looked up fertility clinics in the Newton and Brookline area and came up with three possible. After that, it was a matter of calling them. Delow Women's Clinic in Newton has both Nia Kettner and Marnie Ries as patients."

"Our common link." Korsak looked at Dr. Isles in wonder, as did the other detectives at the table.

Jane raised her eyebrows. "What about doctor/patient confidentiality? How did you get them to give up that they were patients?"

Maura shrugged. "I pretended to be Marnie Ries wanting to make an appointment and then I called back and did the same for Nia Kettner."

Jane was amazed. Maura had always been interested in only cold hard facts. If there wasn't solid evidence to support something, she simply refused to acknowledge its existence. And yet here she was, acting on instincts and tracking down leads that they, the trained professionals, hadn't yet thought of. Not to mention, she had blatantly lied about her identity, twice, and had been convincing.

Jane looked at Korsak, Crowe, and Moore. "We need a list of employees for the Delow Women's Clinic. A list of patients would be nice, but I'm sure they'll claim doctor/patient confidentiality. I want the files of both our vics, don't take no for an answer, threaten a warrant if you have to."

The boys nodded and dispersed.

"You, are brilliant." Jane smiled at Maura.

Maura smiled back, but didn't respond. She grabbed the autopsy reports she'd brought up with her and got up.

"Maura?"

She looked up at Jane. "Hmm?"

Jane crossed the room to stand before her, avoiding her eyes. "I was uh, wondering… do you still love me?"

Maura set down the reports and put her hands on the sides of Jane's face, lifting her gaze. She leaned in, her lips moving dangerously close to Jane's, coming so close there was less than a centimeter between them. She pulled back, her eyes intense with longing and another emotion Jane couldn't read. "We can't do this Jane…"

"Do what?" Jane leaned back in, closing the distance between their lips once more.

"This. _Us_." Maura closed the last inch and her lips pressed roughly against Jane's.

The detective pulled Maura's thin frame heavily against hers. She'd forgotten how amazing the forensic pathologist felt against her, almost as if they were made to fit together.

Maura was, of course, the first to pull away, though she kept her body pressed into Jane's. "I can't stay in Boston, you know that?"

"But you're here now." Jane graced Maura with that signature crooked grin that made the ME bow to her every whim.

"If we're going to do this Jane, we're to go into it knowing that it will end. Are you okay with that?"

Jane nodded. What she didn't say was that it didn't matter to her what Maura said about going back to San Francisco; she'd change her mind. All she needed was a little time and she'd remind Maura of every reason they'd been amazing together. _She'll stay. I know she'll stay._


	11. Dr Kyle Pritchard

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: along with the Hoyt chapters, quite possible this is my favorite chapter. enjoy.

-/-

**ONE WEEK AGO**

_Maura folded the dress gently and set it into her suitcase. "I'm sorry, but I'm going. It's my sister's wedding."_

_"Your half-sister."_

_"She's still family. Not to mention, she's marrying a dear friend of mine and a former colleague. I owe it to them to go."_

_"You owe it to yourself not to!" Kyle sat down on the bed next to her suitcase, hoping to catch her eyes. "Maura, please, don't go across the country, not now. We were just getting somewhere. You've been doing so good lately."_

_"Just because I go back to Boston, for four days, does not mean my psyche will crumble. I didn't leave because I couldn't handle the city."_

_Kyle frowned. "It's about her, isn't it?"_

_Maura paused, her muscles tensing, and refused to meet his gaze. "Jane has nothing to do with this. I was asked by my sister to perform the duties of maid of honor at her wedding. I have already agreed and will not rescind my promise."_

_"Jane has everything to do with this! She has everything to do with everything! As much as you've tried to put that stupid detective behind you, you haven't! She's the reason we've never…"_

_The venom in Maura's gaze stopped him mid-sentence. "You have **NO** idea what Jane and I have been through! She is my very best friend and don't you dare say anything negative about her. I want you out of my apartment now!"_

_"She's your best friend huh? Well, then tell me Maura? Where exactly is she now? Correct me if I'm wrong, but she didn't exactly chase you across the country now did she? Her precious job was worth more than you."_

_"I asked her not to follow me."_

_Kyle stood. He leaned near Maura's ear and lowered his voice to just above a whisper. "And she listened." He left her to stew in that and stormed out of the apartment._

-/-

Maura's phone rang for the tenth time that evening and Jane looked over just as she picked it up, looked at the screen, hit ignore, and set it back down again.

"Kyle again?"

Maura looked up at her, paused for a moment of contemplation and then nodded.

"You can answer it. It's only me and you here." They had been in the conference room cross referencing the list of employees from the Delow Women's clinic with the author's of Hoyt's fanmail.

"I'd rather not." Maura picked up her phone and turned it off, sliding it into her purse and out of sight.

Jane decided not to pry.

Maura looked at the clock. "Do you think he's out there, hunting?"

Jane shivered and shook her head. "I think he's already got her picked out. I can't wait until the warrant comes through and we can have a list of all the patients. It'll help us narrow down our targets and keep an eye on them."

"I don't think we'll be fast enough."

As if on cue, Korsak popped his head in the door. His somber expression made both women's spirits drop.

"Don't tell me we have another one?" Jane sighed.

Korsak nodded. "Yeah, but so far, this one's still alive."

Both women were instantly alert and grabbing their coats.

-/-

Raya Lewis resembled Jane the closest by far of the three victims. She was tall, slim, and beautiful, though her skin was a shade or two darker than the detective's. She lay perfectly still in the hospital bed, a small but brutal gash was hidden behind a large bandage and she was intubated, but beyond that she seemed untouched.

"What happened?" Jane whispered to Moore.

They stood in the doorway to Raya's hospital room. Maura was sitting inside, her hand on the forearm of Raya's girlfriend, a gesture of comfort.

"The unsub had already cut it out and was going in for the kill when the girlfriend came home. She was away on business in Minnesota but she came home early to surprise her. He escaped out the bedroom window before she made it into the room. She immediately called 911."

"Is she gonna make it?"

Moore shrugged. "It's a waiting game now. The doctor said the surgery was a success, but she lost a lot of blood."

"We need two uniforms posted here around the clock. And it would help if one of us was around just in case she wakes up briefly. Her girlfriend may not have seen our guy, but she surely did."

Moore nodded. "I'll take first shift. Crowe and Korsak are working on the patient list. Why don't you and Dr. Isles go get some rest. I'll call if she wakes up."

Jane nodded and signaled to Maura.

Maura squeezed the girlfriend's arm reassuringly and stood, joining the two detectives in the doorway.

-/-

Maura set her bags down on Jane's bed and turned just in time to meet the lips seeking hers. Jane's slim fingers expertly undid buttons and unzipped zippers and unclasped bras, until they were both standing there in skimpy underwear each had worn for the other's benefit.

Jane pulled away and took in Maura's form. All her scars from two years ago were present and accounted for as well as a couple new ones that she logged away in her brain to ask about later.

"You're just as beautiful as I remember." Jane's hands traced slow trails down her abdomen.

Maura smiled and her lips crashed against Jane's once more.

-/-

They napped soundly in each other's embrace and only when sunlight warmed their faces did they dare to wake up.

Maura stretched as she sat up.

Jane pulled her back down and planted kisses all over her shoulder and jaw line, finally landing on her lips where she stayed for several minutes.

Finally Maura pushed her away lightly. "I need to shower. I have no idea when I'll get the opportunity again."

"Care for some company?" Jane raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Maura hesitated for a brief moment and then nodded. "Company sounds lovely."

Jane decided not to read too much into the hesitation though it left her a little unsettled.

Maura held the door to the bathroom open and turned to beckon Jane. Seeing Maura framed in the light made her heart jump, but the feeling was fleeting as the sorrow that accompanied it took over. What if she refused to stay? What if she chose to go back to San Francisco? Back to Kyle?

She got up and wrapped her arms around Maura, pulling her close. "I love you."

Maura tensed. She'd been afraid of this. Jane's attachment to what they were. But they could never be that again. She would go back home to San Francisco. She'd go back to Kyle. He'd become a staple in her life now and she was stuck with him whether she was interested in more than friendship or not.

Jane felt the muscles in Maura's body tense and she pulled away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Maura relaxed. "I do love you too Jane. Just because I left, doesn't mean that changed. You just caught me off guard." She leaned up and kissed Jane softly.

Jane's phone rang. "You go. I have to check and see if it's Korsak with an update from the hospital."

Maura nodded and disappeared into the bathroom and Jane went to the dresser and looked at her phone. She didn't recognize the number. "Rizzoli."

"Is this Jane Rizzoli?"

"Yes. Whose this?"

"My name is Dr. Kyle Pritchard."

"Oh."

"Sorry to bother you."

"How'd you get this number?"

"It was listed on Mau… Dr. Isles' emergency contact information. Do you know where I could contact her? She hasn't been answering her phone and I was under the impression she would have returned to San Francisco by now."

Jane frowned. _Obsessed much?_ "Dr. Isles is busy working on a case. She will return to San Francisco upon its conclusion."

"She's working?" Kyle's voice was incredulous.

"Yes."

"Could you tell her that I'm trying to reach her? It's incredibly urgent."

"I'll pass it along, thank you." Jane didn't wait for him to say anything else; she just hung up. She ran a hand through her hair. Had Maura's "not-boyfriend" actually just called her cell?

"Who was that?" Maura turned as Jane joined her in the shower.

Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist. "It definitely wasn't Korsak."

Maura frowned. "Who then?"

"Dr. Kyle Pritchard."

Maura nearly choked. "What?"

"He's says it's urgent that he speaks to you."

"He's harassing you now?"

Maura was visibly angry, an emotion that was rare for her, and it concerned Jane. She leaned down and kissed away Maura's frown. "He's missing you. Believe me, I know what that feels like."

"I'll call him, set him straight. I'm sorry he bothered you Jane."

"It's okay baby." Jane kissed the top of her head.

Maura kissed Jane deeply. "Let me make it up to you."


	12. Selfish Motivations

DISCLAIMER:: does not belong to me

A/N:: i survived! okay, so here's chapter 12 as promised. i know it's late in the day, but i had to work all day and then go to the store with my little boy, who was just taught by his aunt (not from my side might i add) to say the word bitch. so here i'm pushing my 21 month old around target greatland while he says "hello bitch" to every cart that passes. oh joy, what a day! anyways, read and enjoy... and i promise ALL questions will be answered. be patient guys, despite popular belief, my motivation is not to torture you.

-/-

"You cannot be bothering her!"

Jane brushed her teeth as Maura was returning Kyle's call.

"I'm well aware of the consequences of my actions."

Jane rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash and spit it into the sink, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She leaned in the doorway connecting the bathroom to the bedroom. Maura was pacing in her lingerie, looking angrier than she had in the shower.

"I will deal with it when I get back to San Francisco. I wasn't taking your calls for a reason!"

There was a long pause and then Jane heard shouting coming from the phone.

Maura's eyes widened. "It's none of your business if I'm fucking her!" Maura ended the call and tossed the phone across the bed.

She sat down on the bed. "He makes me so angry sometimes with all his pushing. Sometimes it's as if he thinks he owns me."

"Is he jealous?"

Maura nodded. "I'm certain he is, but that's not really why he's been calling. I'm free to do whatever I wish; he's just upset that I am not choosing the path he would. But this isn't about him… it's about me. I did this for me. I came back to Boston for me."

Jane frowned. Where had she heard that before?

-/-

**TWO YEARS AGO**

"I got a job offer today." Jane looked up from the TV to see Maura looking tired, leaning in the doorway.

Jane frowned. "But you already have a job."

Maura took a deep breath. "I, um, think it would be best if I left Boston."

"I've been talking about a vacation all week, but you keep shooting me down. You've changed your mind?"

Maura shook her head. "I'm not talking about vacation Jane. I got offered a job in San Francisco, and I've decided to take it."

Jane nodded. It had been just over a month since Maura had refused her proposal. She'd been on edge ever since then and Jane knew that staying in Boston bothered her. She just hadn't been aware of how much. But she'd do anything for the ME, even if it meant leaving Boston. "Okay, I'll see if Cavanaugh will call and put in a good word for me. Ma will have a fit, but I'll talk her down and…"

"I'm going alone Jane."

Jane felt her lungs constrict and the slow steady plunge of dread take her heart in its hands and rip it apart. She tried desperately to hold herself together, but failed miserably.

Maura walked over to the couch and crouched in front of Jane. She took her hands. "Please, don't look like that."

Jane tried to breathe, but couldn't manage anything more than a shaky excuse for a breath. "Like what?"

"Like I'm breaking your heart."

"Good. I look like I feel."

Maura frowned. "I love you Jane."

At that Jane withdrew her hands. "How can you say that? You don't get to come in here and tell me you're going to leave me and then give some bullshit excuse about doing this because you love me."

"Jane, please, I don't…"

"You don't want Maur? Please, don't give me some line about not wanting to hurt me. You should of thought of that before deciding to move across the country!" Jane stood up abruptly, nearly knocking Maura over.

Maura stood and looked away. "You don't understand."

Jane grabbed her chin and turned her gaze back. "Then please… explain it to me!"

Maura searched her eyes and Jane did the same. There was something there In Maura's eyes, just below the surface.

Maura sighed. "This isn't just about you Jane! I am doing this for me!"

"You're doing this because you're a coward!"

She saw the anger wipe away all other emotions from Maura's face. "I'm doing this because I can't be with you anymore!"

Jane understood the implications of her statement perfectly, that Jane was the problem here. It knocked all fight from her body. She'd seen the change in Maura the past few weeks. Something had been eating away at her… maybe it really was the desire to move on and she really just had been afraid to hurt Jane… until now.

"I think it would be better if we just cut all ties Jane."

"Is that what you want?" Jane felt her voice crack.

"Yes."

That one word was so definite that Jane had no doubts that it was the truth.

"I need to go pack. I leave first thing in the morning."

Jane didn't object, just watched her go. She felt numb. She heard drawers opening and closing and the rustling of clothes. And then, if she listened really hard, she could almost hear the faint sound of Maura's tears.

-/-

"Jane?" Maura watched the detctive as she stared off blankly, completely lost in thought. "Jane!"

Jane finally focused on the ME. "Did you mean it?" Jane was still leaning in the doorway.

"That it's none of his business if I'm fucking you? Yes, I did."

Again Jane was struck by the differences between the woman Maura had once been and the woman she was now. "No, what you said the night you left."

Maura's face became instantly tired, exhaustion taking over as if some invisible floodgates had opened. "Which part?"

"I asked you if leaving was what you wanted to do… if you truly wanted to cut all ties with me. You said yes… did you mean it?"

"Yes." Maura frowned. "And no. It wasn't what I wanted… but it was what I needed."

"Was it really that bad, being here with me?"

Maura was at her side in an instant, her arms circling around the detective. "I love being here with you. I told you then, and I'll tell you now; I didn't leave because I didn't want to be with you. I left because I couldn't be with you, because it's better for you to be without me."

"But…"

Jane's cell rang again. This time it was Korsak. Jane debated whether to ignore the call, but Maura snatched the phone from her hand and answered.

"Jane Rizzoli's phone, Maura Isles speaking. Oh hey Vince." Maura listened for several moments a huge grin spreading across her face. "Wonderful. I'll tell Jane and we'll meet you at headquarters." She hung up the phone.

"What's up?"

"The boys caught a break in the case. The mailman who runs the route for the vacant house down in New York just caught the man who receives mail there."

"Are they holding him?"

Maura nodded. "There's something else."

"What?"

Maura beamed. "He had fresh blood on his clothes."


	13. Not No Just Not Now

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: so i'm a little afraid of posting this. everyone seems so bummed out with how maura has changed and i'm afraid no one is keeping the faith here. i hope everyone gives this story a chance. i know it's a little darker than the first installment, however, i think relationships in the real world often face adversity and are constantly challenged. there is no riding off into the sunset anymore. life is constant highs and lows and people hurt each other, even if they're in love. that's what i'm trying to portray here. but don't worry, that doesn't change that i'm a sucker for happy endings.

-/-

"That's our criminal?" Jane raised an eyebrow as they looked into the interrogation room. Its lone occupant was hardly a man, boy would be more accurate. His name was Trenton Carson and he was all of nineteen years old. He sat at the table, wearing a Boston PD shirt that was at least two sizes too big for his lanky frame. His own shirt had been taken to process the blood on it. His hair was unnaturally black and shaggy and his dull green eyes skimmed around the walls in faked boredom, even now trying to appear cool.

Maura shrugged. "I was expecting someone…"

"Whose been out of Huggies for more than three years?" Jane smirked.

Maura rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the small smile that graced her lips.

Korsak poked his head in. "He's all yours Jane."

Jane nodded and, with a brief but intimate touch to Maura's forearm, departed the room.

-/-

Jane sighed as she fell into her usual chair next to Maura's desk. "Well that was a complete and utter waste of valuable time and brain cells."

Maura smirked. "Dead end?"

Jane nodded. "He's just a stupid punk kid who was afraid of receiving the letters at his house, thought his mom would go ballistic. He's a little psychotic and weird, but not our guy. He has a solid alibi for both murders and the assault."

"What about the blood?"

"He claims its his. He got a bloody nose on his way to check the box. DNA will probably confirm his story. It was too fresh to be our latest victim's anyway."

"So that is good right? That confirms that whoever is paying to keep Harold Limon's PO Box is our killer."

Jane shrugged. "Theoretically, yes. But our unsub could be sending someone else to do it. And that's if we didn't overlook something in the letters. We were really specific about our search criteria, maybe we weren't looking for the right things. Not to mention, the PO Box only has to be paid every six months. The next payment isn't do for ten days. If our perp keeps with the pattern that means ten more dead women on our hands before we have another viable lead."

Maura sighed. "There has to be something we're missing."

A knock at the door made both women look up.

Moore held up a folded document. "We got the warrant."

-/-

Maura stared out the window at the city as it passed by on their way to Newton to the Delow Women's Clinic. She hadn't thought she'd miss the city. It was ridiculously cold in the winter [ice and jimmy choo's hardly mixed] and she'd seen her share of horrors on her autopsy table, a testament to big city life. San Francisco was a different world entirely. Cars were uncommon… even the police sometimes opted for public transit. Once you got a grasp of the grid, you could navigate the city without thinking about it. It was foggy, but that was about as extreme as the weather conditions got. And it was built all on hills, so the views were spectacular. But the smell of fish was unmistakable, no matter where you went. Tourists packed every free inch of sidewalk downtown. And the rules, the law, was built around blurry lines. For someone who had lived her life by fact, it was difficult to adapt.

"What are you thinking about?" Jane glanced at her curiously before turning her eyes back to the road.

Maura glanced over at Jane. "Boston. How different it is from San Francisco."

"You should come back."

"You make it sound easy."

Jane shrugged. "It is."

"I have a life there now Jane, a routine that I've come to rely on."

"No sleep?"

Maura dropped her gaze. There was no denying that she didn't sleep well. Every day she was up to watch the fog roll in across the bay. She was generally the first customer at any of the various Starbucks on Market Street. She spent the week sleeping two hours at a time and then she'd have a crash day, sleeping sixteen to twenty hours in a row if her schedule allowed.

"Is it Kyle?" Jane's grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly. "He's more than just a friend Maura."

Maura sighed. "He's a cardio surgeon. We met by accident. I was having lunch at the hospital with my assistant and he… well, he spilled his lunch all over my new shoes. He ruined them. After six months of friendship he confessed that he did it intentionally to meet me, but he was aiming for my purse. That night was the first time he tried to move beyond what we were. I told him no, that I was in love with someone else."

"With me?"

Maura nodded. "He would spend all his free time just listening to me talk about you, about our life here, about my job that I loved. Everyday I told him every reason why we couldn't ever be more than friends, and everyday he still listened. Then, about seven months after I left Boston, I hit this rough patch. He took time off work so he could help me through it. It was… one of the most gracious things anyone has ever done for me." Maura smiled to herself.

"He loves me… He's only told me once, when I didn't say it back I saw in his eyes that he wouldn't say it again until I made a move, but I see it sometimes when he looks at me. I kissed him once, when he took me to the beach for the day. Even that felt wrong, but I thought he deserved something. He's made me happy… or at least a little less sad."

"I could make you happy Maura."

The vulnerability in Jane's voice amazed her. Jane really was trying.

"You've always made me happy." She put a hand on Jane's knee, squeezing it. "I should have said yes Jane. When you asked me to marry you. I should have said yes."

-/-

**_TWO YEARS AGO_**

_"Will you marry me?"_

_Maura looked at Jane with wide eyes._

_Jane saw the panicked look and instantly filled the silence. "I know it's really sudden, but this whole thing… it's made me realize what I want. And that's you Maur. You're my best friend. I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend. I love you so much and I want to spend forever loving you."_

_Maura's first instinct was to kiss this woman senseless. She'd never dreamed of wedded bliss as a child, she'd always been too preoccupied with the facts to fantasize, but she realized now that a part of her had always dreamed of this moment and every part of her had always dreamed of Jane._

_She leaned across the space between them and kissed Jane deeply. She was perfect; Jane was so perfect. Everything she'd ever wanted. Every single day the love she felt for Jane changed the way she saw the world. How do you explain their bond in terms of facts? It was indefinable._

_"Is that a yes?" Jane smiled as Maura pulled away._

_Even as Maura's heart screamed yes, her brain had other plans. "No."_

_The smile instantly died on Jane's face. "No?"_

_Maura put a hand to Jane's face, her thumb caressing the detective's cheek. "I'm sorry Jane, but I can't marry you."_

_She saw something die in Jane's gaze and immediately amended her last statement. "Not right now."_

_Jane pulled away. "Can I ask why?"_

_Maura frowned. Why was she saying no? It wasn't that she didn't want to marry Jane, or even that she didn't want to be married. No, it was just a feeling, like the one's Jane got that helped her in her job… a nagging instinct that she should say no. "It's not the right time."_

_Jane nodded, accepting the answer easier than Maura had expected her to. "Okay." She turned over, her back now to the ME, and Maura could feel this was a turning point._


	14. Drama At Delow

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine, though i wish it was

A/N:: updates may be a little slower than usual. i'm working nonstop to try and pay off my last bill so i can finally quit my evil job that i hate with every fiber of my being.

-/-

The Delow Women's Clinic was a lot bigger and more grand than Jane had assumed it would be. It looked like a dwarf hospital in a two story gold brick building that spanned the length of an entire block on the edge of Newton.

They'd ridden in silence after Maura's admission of her mistake. It wasn't often that Maura Isles would admit to making a mistake; she generally approached every situation from strictly a logical perspective. Feelings were rather messy and unpredictable. They could change direction on you in the blink of an eye and Maura had tried to waste as little time on them as possible. But then Jane Rizzoli had happened, and it became highly unfeasible to try and make a decision without feelings involved. Jane made her feel… everything: joy, sadness, anger, admiration, love. She became a person who could make mistakes, a person who could hurt the one they love, a person who could walk away to save the one they loved, a person that could destroy a heart. Society had its theories on what constitutes power… money, knowledge, fame… but Maura had her own theory. Love is power. To love is to put a piece of your heart (or in some cases, the entirety of your heart) into another person's hands, knowing every second that they could crush it. You give that person the power to undo you, to annihilate you with their actions or their words. You hand over your life and know one day they'll end you, whether with their absence, or their betrayal.

Jane wanted to say something, but her pride kept her mouth shut for her. How dare Maura leave with no real explanation and then turn around and say she'd made a mistake, after two years? It was what she wanted to hear, been longing to hear since she'd seen Maura walking down the aisle at Frost's wedding. But regardless of her hunger to hear Maura say all the right things, there was still a part of her that was licking its wounds. A mistake is something you realize after a few weeks apart to let your head clear, not something that takes two years to grasp.

They walked together in through the automatic doors of the main entrance of the Delow Women's Clinic. The lobby/ reception area was big enough to accommodate over one hundred waiting visitors. Jane stared around in wonder at the trappings of massive funding at its finest. This place must have one huge beneficiary. When she was finally over the wonder, she looked down to see that Maura was not at her side. She glanced around and finally spotted the honey blonde speaking to the receptionist.

She walked over just as Maura demanded they speak to a supervisor.

The receptionist picked up the phone and dialed the appropriate extension, whispering briefly into the phone before setting it back down in its cradle. "She'll be right with you." The receptionist eyed Maura with unobstructed contempt until her eyes caught sight of the badge on Jane's hip and her computer keyboard all of a sudden seemed particularly important.

Jane pulled Maura aside, away from the group of women waiting for their appointments and the receptionist's prying ears.

"What are you doing? You're not a cop; you can't just go rushing in there demanding things and alienating people who we might like the cooperation of somewhere down the line. What has gotten into you Maur?"

Maura frowned. "We can't afford to sit around and wait Jane. Women are dying, and we might be one step away from stopping it and I'm not going to let some…inept little tart keep us from protecting these women. Life is precious Jane, and their lives don't deserve to end because some…"

"Maura… you need to calm down." Jane grabbed her shoulders and made the blonde focus on her.

Maura instantly relaxed. "I'm sorry Jane."

Jane didn't get the opportunity to ask her whether she was talking about her unfriendliness towards the receptionist or whether she was talking about the way she left. The supervisor approached and Jane was forced to abandon their conversation for the moment to address the business suit clad woman with a smile that was far too fake.

"You must be Detective Rizzoli." She shook Jane's hand firmly. "And…" She swung her extended hand towards Maura.

"Dr. Isles."

The woman looked surprised for less than a second but quickly pulled her shock back under the fake friendliness. "A doctor, what field?"

"Forensic pathology."

The woman nodded but didn't comment. "I'm Dr. Miriam White. I manage this clinic. If you'd like to accompany me to my office, I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have for me." She didn't wait for them to agree, simply turned and walked with a subtle authority that dared them not to follow.

Maura stalked ahead first, her head held high, every sway of her hips countering the opposing doctor's authority. Jane sighed and trudged slowly after them, praying that this would not turn into a battle royale between her ex girlfriend and the manager of the Delow Clinic.

-/-

"We got what we went there for, Jane. I don't understand why you're being irrational." Maura pushed her way through the doors into the autopsy suite.

"I'm the irrational one? Miss 'you're-nose-is-disproportional-to-your-face-and-you're-mouth-is-crooked-resulting-in-an-asymmetrical-alignment-that-retracts-from-the-beauty-you-might-otherwise-have'?"

Maura smiled proudly. "I'm surprised you actually remembered it all."

"You called her ugly in Maura speak!"

Maura nodded. "To put it in lamest terms, yes, that is exactly what I did."

Jane groaned. "You just burned a bridge in this investigation. Are you proud of yourself?"

Maura beamed and flounced into her office. "Quite." She fell into her chair, setting the thick list of patient names and basic info on her lap.

"Maur…"

"Don't tell me you weren't thinking it Jane."

"That's beside…"

"Jane?"

Jane whipped around at the sound of her partner's voice. "Frost, what are you doing back from your honeymoon?"

The young male detective looked slightly haggard. "Somehow the press got wind of the details of this case and their having a field day. Cavanaugh's getting his buttons pushed from high up the totem pole so it's all hands on deck until this guy's caught. Erin and I just got back."

His wife chose that moment to pop in through the double doors. "Maura!" She stopped her stampede when she saw Jane and Frost standing there.

"Can I speak to my sister alone for a minute?"

Jane looked at Maura who gave a small nod and handed her the patient list, and then she turned and walked with Frost towards the doors.

Erin didn't wait for them to fully leave the room before setting in. "I got a call from Kyle this morning. He told me you're ignoring his calls."

"That is because I am."

"Maura, this is important! If you don't care why should anyone else?"

"My thoughts exactly." Jane could hear the slight smile in Maura's voice.

Frost grabbed Jane's arm and pulled her through the door when he saw her lingering, trying to catch the conversation.

"What's the deal?" Jane nodded back over her shoulder as they reached the elevator.

Frost frowned. "You should, uh, really ask Maura."

"Tried that plan, didn't work, so spill."

Frost's frown only deepened. "It's not my business and it's not my story to tell. You are going to have to talk to her."

Jane sighed in frustration. "And just how do you suppose I get her to come around?"

Frost shrugged. "You're a detective, figure it out."


	15. The Future That Could Have Been

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine.

A/N:: well i have spent the last 20 hours in a huge ER waiting room, about 5 of which were spent laying across three chairs napping, but it gave me perfect fuel for this story. so read and enjoy, things are going to get worse before they get better.

-/-

Maura looked exhausted when she walked into the bullpen and over to Jane's desk. She fell into a seat between Frost and Jane. "Have we made any progress?"

Jane couldn't help the concern written all over her face. The fight between Maura and Erin downstairs appeared to have taken all the honey blonde's energy. "Maur…"

Frost cleared his throat and when Jane glanced at him, he shook his head, his eyes warning her not to overstep her boundaries.

"We've eliminated all the patients who are already pregnant, patients who've had abortions, and just focused the list down to those who are seeking fertility treatments." Frost commanded Maura's attention trying to keep Jane from asking too many questions when he knew she didn't want to hear the answers, even if she apparently didn't realize it.

"That's the good news." Jane took the ME's stolen attention right back.

Maura frowned. "Your choice of phrasing implies there is also some bad news."

Jane nodded. "Delow is one of the biggest clinics in the greater Boston area. We've narrowed the list considerably but we are still looking at nearly five hundred targets and no ideas as to narrow them down further."

"Do you have any descriptions?"

Frost shrugged. "Nope, all detailed medical information is sealed. We just have their names, a basic overview and we can search DMV records to get photos and basic info."

Maura frowned. "We are looking for women with no children that are taking Repronex. Brunettes, tall, …attractive."

Jane caught her hesitation and saw the brief flash of displeasure that crossed Frost's features before he locked it away.

"If you have contact numbers for all our possible targets, I can make some calls, help us narrow down the group."

Jane glanced up at Moore. She hadn't even realized he'd walked over.

"Sure, we can divide and conquer." She separated the stack and gave Moore a portion for himself, and one each to give to Korsak and Crowe.

"I'm going to the hospital."

"Do you mind if I accompany you?" Jane spoke up so fast that Frost didn't even bother to hide his irritation this time.

Maura nodded. "I think that would be appropriate, considering I'm not a detective."

Jane smiled, despite her partner's glare.

-/-

"So… what was up with Erin? She looked pretty upset earlier." Jane figured the best way to approach the subject would be from the innocent observer standpoint.

Maura sighed, her weariness returning at the mention of her earlier altercation with her sister.

"Kyle was trying to reach me. I haven't accepted any of his calls since he rudely demanded to know if I was engaging in a sexual relationship with you."

Jane frowned, the tiniest tendrils of jealousy creeping into her stomach. "He sure is persistent, isn't he?"

Maura nodded. "He's just… concerned for my welfare, but he's overstepping his boundaries. I believe he thinks if he pushes hard enough, I will certainly cave, but I've always been quite stubborn once I make a decision."

Jane was silent for several moments. "He's your boyfriend, isn't he? Or your fiancé? Husband?"

Maura chuckled and her hand went to Jane's thigh in a preprogrammed gesture of reassurance. "He's not my boyfriend, or my fiancé, or my husband."

"He seems overly concerned for someone who's just a friend."

Maura's hand instantly slid away and back to her own lap and Jane regretted the insinuation. "Tell me, if this were before Bobby Marino and what happened at headquarters and we had never wandered past friendship, would you still do whatever it took to get a hold of me if you felt I was doing something that was bad for me?"

Jane nodded. "Of course, we're best friends."

"Then it's really not a stretch that he'd do the same thing."

Jane frowned. "But he's not me."

Maura nodded, allowing her that much. " I told you already Jane. He's helped me through a lot in the past two years. I wasn't… doing well when I got to San Francisco, which of course was no one's fault but my own. He helped me through the rough patches, and there are times when I think I owe him my sanity. All he's ever asked for is my attentions." She glanced out the window. "But I've always known that he doesn't produce quite the same rapid pulsation of my heart that you do, and I've never been one to lie easily. He resents my connection to you, and I resent that he tries so hard."

"So why don't you break things off with him? Wouldn't that be easier than all these games, and avoiding his calls?"

"Perhaps. But, in a way, I need him just as much as he wants me. He stays because he hopes there will one day be something more between us. I let him because I know that I can no longer navigate my life alone."

Jane felt as if someone had stabbed her heart. "You don't have to. I would never leave you alone."

Maura didn't turn back from the window and she didn't answer. Jane caught a flash in the side mirror… Maura was crying.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

Maura shook her head, her red rimmed eyes finally glancing at Jane. "Actually, you did. I told you Jane, I won't stay in Boston. I've repeated it constantly ever since I arrived. I cannot stay. I see it in your eyes that you don't want to believe me, and I love you for that. Regardless of whether you want to face it or not, I will leave once this case is over."

They pulled into a parking space at the hospital and Jane killed the engine. She looked at Maura and silently prayed that she wouldn't cry in front of the medical examiner.

"Close your eyes Jane."

Jane frowned.

"Close your eyes Jane." Maura commanded again.

Finally Jane complied.

"Picture that night when you asked me to marry you. Now picture that I said yes."

She saw Jane's hint of a smile.

"We'll have a fairly small wedding, but grand none-the-less. Ivory and green, outside with flowers everywhere. Your mother will be criticizing my absent family under her breath as I am led down the aisle by Frost. Korsak will be your best man and Erin will be my matron of honor. We'll spend the ceremony stealing glances at each other, each of us wondering when the monotonous voice is going to give us the permission to kiss." She smiled to herself as tears rolled silently down her face. "We'll spend the whole reception lost in each other, dancing, oblivious to the existence of anyone but ourselves. We'll honeymoon somewhere in Europe, probably Italy. Once we return and we've settled down into domestic life, we'll talk about a baby of our own, a little girl or boy that we're going to spend the rest of our lives loving. And we'll grow old together, weathering the storms of life, but always together. And when we're at the end, we'll look back on it all and be happy that we were blessed, because we were one of the lucky few who did it right."

Tears were making rivers down Jane's cheeks as well now.

Maura smiled, knowing Jane could see that life in her head. "When I think of us, that's where I let my mind go. That's how I've survived these past two years and that's how I'll survive all the ones to come. Knowing that could have been my life, that in that special place in my heart…in your place… that is my life. It gets me through." She reached out to touch Jane's face, but held back, knowing it wasn't her place right now. "I hope it'll get you through too."

Jane opened her eyes abruptly, but Maura had already exited the car.

-/-

A/N:: okay, i can probably forsee many angry reviews. but answes will be revealed in the next few chapters, i promise. i didn't want maura to hurt jane with those words, but it is all part of the process. jane will have her opportunity to give maura a verbal bitch slap soon.


	16. No Means Of Communication

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine.

A/N:: travelling upstate for the next few days, so no new posts after this until monday. i'm barely sneaking this one in as i leave in less than two hours. i was hoping to post through chapter 17 (the chapter where jane finally gets the chance to speak her mind) before i left but it just didn't work out that way, so you'll have to settle for Frost's verbal lashing instead. answers next chapter, i promise. would love reviews, i can read them away from home on my new smartphone now:). and as always, enjoy.

-/-

Raya looked the same. The nurse said their had been significant progress but Jane still saw the same butchered woman she'd seen before. All the tubes and machines remained, all the evidence of the horrible act of violence committed against her. She couldn't see the wound on her abdomen under the blanket, but she knew it was there.

"She looks better." Maura was completely composed as she said this simple statement, as if they hadn't just both been crying in her car moments before.

"How can you tell?"

"She's not as pale, not as cold."

Jane looked at the motionless woman on the bed and remembered a time, not so long ago, when she'd been looking at a different woman who'd been dependent on machines and tubes. Now, that woman was standing next to her, fully healed… well, at least physically.

Then something hit Jane full force in the face, something she hadn't noticed the last time they were here. "Both her forearms are in casts…"

Maura nodded. "He broke her wrists in the attack."

"Why?"

Maura shrugged. "Torture I would venture to guess."

Jane shook her head. "That isn't his MO. What reason would he possibly have to break her wrists?"

Maura picked up the file on the end of the bed, flipping through it. A word caught her eye and she paused, reading the information and then rereading it.

"He meant to let her live. He knew he was going to be interrupted, knew she was going to survive."

Jane frowned. "How do you know that?"

Maura pointed to the page she'd been reading. "Raya Lewis is deaf. She communicates with her hands."

Jane caught on effortlessly. "And he broke her wrists so she couldn't use her hands. He didn't want her identifying him if she woke up."

Maura grinned. "That means with Raya, it was a little more personal.

Jane matched Maura's smile. "It's someone she knows."

-/-

"Korsak told me you've finished all the calls on your list."

Moore nodded and held out a paper to Jane. "I've narrowed my section down to these eleven names. These patients are all brunettes between twenty seven and thirty seven, all currently childless, and all taking Repronex to increase fertility."

Jane nodded. "Good, Crowe and Korsak have narrowed theirs down to fourteen between the two and hopefully Frost will have a low number too. If we can keep this group small, we may have a chance of preventing this bastard from striking again."

"Frost said he was going to talk to Dr. Isles."

Jane nodded. "Thanks."

Jane heard their angry words before she'd even opened the doors to the autopsy suite.

"Jane has been going through hell because of you!"

"I tried to give her the cleanest break I possibly could." Maura's voice sounded so small in the face of her brother-in-law's angry tone.

"She deserves an explanation! You waltz in and out of her life as you please and it's hurting her!"

"I can't. I told her, I won't stay. I can't stay. Everything is in San Francisco now. I love her so much, but I just can't." Jane could hear Maura's choked sobs.

Frost voice was slightly calmer now. "That's fine Maura, but Jane deserves to know the truth about why you left. She's spent two years loving someone who can't ever be what she needs. It's about time you set her free."

Jane chose this moment to step in, knowing she'd be caught eavesdropping if she stayed just outside the doors much longer. "Hey, Maura, Moore told me Frost was down here." Jane pretending to just be walking in. She faked the appropriate amount of surprise to see him. "Did you finish your part of the list?"

Maura turned her back and wiped furiously at her eyes. Jane pretended not to notice and kept her gaze locked on Frost.

Frost nodded. "I only have four names."

Jane smiled. "Good, that gives us twenty nine possible targets, much more manageable than five hundred. I need you to find out the locations of all our women. Those with residences closest to the clinic are top priority. Know where you go and go where you know, basic rule of hunting grounds. Our unsub is going to hunt outward from the clinic. Send patrol cars out to all our possibles, tell them to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity. Even the littlest hint of foul play and I want them all over it."

Frost nodded and, with one last meaningful gaze at Maura, left the suite.

Now that Jane was alone with Maura, all her confidence seemed fleeting. She couldn't see where her courage had mysteriously run off to, but it certainly wasn't with her anymore. "Maura, I…have something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Jane." The warning in the blonde's tone made Jane flinch.

"No, I need to say this. These past few days I've been trying every trick I could think of to change your mind. I believed you still loved me and that we could work it through, and I do know that if you would just agree to stay and try, we could make this work, of that I have absolutely no doubt. But there also is a point where I need to accept reality and respect your wishes. If you want to go back to San Francisco, then I won't stand in your way." Jane tried to manage a smile, but failed miserably. "I love you enough to set you free."

Maura could hold back the floodgates no longer. The tears came like a waterfall and she didn't even waste her energy trying to hold them back.

Jane's arms were around her in an instant. "Shhh, it's okay, really. You're going to be okay. And so am I. I promise."

Maura cried against Jane's chest while the detective whispered consoling words in her ear for nearly thirty minutes.

Finally Jane heard muffled words against her chest that she couldn't make out. She ran her fingers through Maura's hair and pulled back just enough so that the ME's voice wasn't obstructed.

Maura was still crying, though the streams down her cheeks were now just a steady trickle.

"I shouldn't have come back. I can see this is hurting you, and it was so selfish of me to put you through this."

She pulled out of the detective's arms. "I didn't leave because I didn't love you. Two years ago, I turned my back on you, and at the time I thought it would be best to just leave without an explanation; I thought I was looking after you. See, I knew you'd follow me if I told you the truth. But I also knew… I know I can't give you a happy life."

Jane shook her head. She couldn't believe what Maura was saying. "Why? Why do you keep giving me this vague explanation. What changed?"

Maura turned away. "It happened after the shooting at your old place. In fact, do you remember the day you asked me to marry you…of course you do, that was a stupid question. While you were out at the market and visiting my father, I got a call. It changed everything."

The phone in the autopsy suite interrupted Jane before she could ask who had called Maura. The medical examiner picked up the phone.

"Autopsy."

Maura listened for a few seconds and then hung up. "That was Korsak. Raya Lewis is awake."


	17. The Truth

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: answers are here, as well jane's chance to speak out. this is our turning point people, breathe a sigh of relief.

-/-

Raya Lewis had one distinct difference from Jane. She had bright blue eyes and they were full and alert when Jane and Maura entered her hospital room twenty minutes later. Her tube was gone, but she still looked as if the patched up wound on her neck was keeping her from verbally communicating.

The blue eyes focused on the two female newcomers and Jane was unsettled by how calm she seemed to be after waking up in a hospital room alone, hooked up to all these machines.

"Miss Lewis, I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli, I'm with Boston Homicide and this is Dr. Maura Isles. I'd like to ask you a few questions if you don't mind." Jane saw that Raya was looking at Maura and she glanced over to see Maura signing everything she had just said. Of course Maura would know sign language.

Raya nodded her head slowly, being mindful of the wound on her neck.

"Do you recognize the person who attacked you?"

Raya shook her head.

They asked her countless yes or no questions, knowing very well there was no way she could communicate with them other than to nod or shake her head.

Finally Jane looked around the room, noticing something for the very first time. "Where's the girlfriend?"

Maura paused, tilting her head in thought. "I don't know, she was here the first night, but I haven't seen her since.

Jane flagged down Raya's nurse. "Has her girlfriend been in today?"

The nurse shook her head. "No, she hasn't been in since she was admitted."

Jane looked back at Raya. "Do you live with your girlfriend?"

Raya didn't shake or nod her head. Instead, her eyes narrowed in confusion.

"She was at your apartment that night… she scared away your attacker and called 911. We need to speak with her."

Raya's eyes grew wide and she started shaking her head frantically, her eyes brimming with tears.

The nurse flew through the door as one of her monitors started to beep erratically. Jane was pushed from the room as everyone went into crisis mode.

Jane glanced down the hallway, watching as a few more nurses ran over to assist. "The girlfriend is our killer. She has to be, didn't you see her eyes, Maur? She was terrified." It was then she realized Maura hadn't been pushed out with her. She glanced back into the hospital room and immediately stopped breathing.

The nurses weren't crowded around the bed, but around Maura, who was collapsed on the floor.

A gurney sped past and two orderlies hefted the limp body of Maura Isles onto the gurney.

-/-

The first thing Maura noticed when her conscious became aware was this incessant beeping somewhere in the distance. Why wouldn't it shut up? It was making her head pound. And she was thirsty. Parched. Water, she needed to get some water. The human body could only sustain itself for three days without liquid nourishment. How long had she been out? Had days passed? Or was it mere seconds? Maybe it was years… maybe she was waking up from a coma. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe she'd never even gone back to Boston. It wasn't unlike her to dream of Jane. _Well, the only way to find out is to open your eyes and face the truth, whatever it may be._

It took a second for her to remember exactly how it is to open your eyelids. They slid open slowly as if they'd been frozen for years and just recently defrosted. The light was dim in the room for which she was very grateful.

Jane was asleep in the chair next to her bed. How many times had they been through this exact scenario? She frowned. Jane had spent far too many days in the confines of an uncomfortable hospital chair. She'd grown used to the dreadful coffee from the cafeteria and the stale smell of sterility. No one should ever spend so much time within hospital walls to become intimate with the life stories of nurses and to memorize meal times. When you overhear some poor soul asking for directions to neurology and you tell them it's actually quite simple if you take the shortcut through cardio. No one should ever be comfortable with hospital life. In that brief moment, Maura felt disdain for her own body, for not being strong enough to hold out until she got back to San Francisco.

"Jane."

The detective instantly looked up as if she hadn't even been asleep. "Hey… you're awake. You gave me quite a scare there. How are you feeling?"

"Go home Jane."

The detective frowned. "What?"

"You shouldn't be here." Maura turned her head away with a hint of finality.

Jane couldn't believe she was being pushed away all over again, and every shred of anger she'd ever felt for Maura in the past two years came flooding back. " That is it! I have tried to be decent to you Maura! I have tried to be accommodating and take your feelings into consideration, but I am so done! I am so tired of you ordering me away like I'm some… some five year old! I am not a child Maura!"

"I never said you were."

Jane stood. "But you are implying it! Who are you to decide what's best for me? Where do you get off running away, three thousand miles away, because I supposedly deserve better?"

"It's actually more like twenty seven hundred miles." Maura still refused to turn back around.

"Does it really matter the exact distance?"

"It seems to be extremely important in your mind Jane. You are the one who keeps bringing it up."

"You ran away Maura, from me. If you would have stayed, we could have gotten through this."

Maura was out of the bed so fast, and in Jane's face that the detective nearly fell backward. "I had to go! I had no choice! Haven't you understood that by now! Do you really think I was heartless enough to leave you? Is that really your opinion of me Jane? What happened to knowing me Jane? Obviously, you know nothing about me!"

Jane was taken aback.

"There were so many times I thought of calling you! But I just couldn't! I knew if I called you'd come to me without a second thought, and I wanted you to think. I wanted it to be your decision. So every single week I waited. Then a year passed and then another. If not for this wedding, we'd both have just gone about our lives. We both are responsible for why we've never reconciled. Maybe I should have called, but I never saw you pick up a phone either."

"You're gonna turn this around on me? I wasn't the one who left!"

"No, you're right Jane, but you were the one who let me go."

"What is going on in here?"

Jane and Maura both turned and looked at their interrupter in surprise.

"Oh, it's you two again. Mmm mmm, they're trying to send me into early retirement."

Finally Jane recognized the beefy nurse in the doorway as the one who had banned her from Maura's hospital bed nearly two and a half years before.

She shuffled into the room and grabbed both women's shoulders, pushing them apart. "You, over there." She pointed to the chair and nodded for Jane to take a seat. "And, you get your sick behind back in bed."

Maura crossed her arms, for the first time noticing the IV running into her hand, and stared defiantly at the nurse.

The nurse, Nurse Bartholomew if her nametag was correct, just raised an eyebrow. "You can stare me down all you like honey, but if you don't get your butt back in that bed, I will move it for you."

Maura still remained where she was.

The nurse rolled up her sleeves and picked Maura up without a hint of effort and set her on the bed.

Jane laughed until the nurse shot her a look that silenced her.

"Now you keep your skinny butt in that chair and you keep yours on that bed; I'm not gonna tell you girls again."

Jane waited until she left the room and then glared at Maura. "You've been taking advantage of me ever since you got here."

"Yes, Jane, I have. Everything I've said has been unfair to you, and I'm sorry. But it was never supposed to be like this. I was flying out the next morning after the wedding. I arranged it so that you would see as little of me as possible. I tried to stay away from you Jane, I tried so desperately to stay away, but there you were, at the wedding, and you looked so hurt…"

"That's because I was! You destroyed me when you left and you just don't seem to comprehend that! Whatever happened to change your mind, whatever it was, we could have worked through it! You never even gave us the chance. You just packed up and ran away the second you couldn't handle things! How was that fair?"

"It wasn't."

"And the second I see you again, you've turned into this evil twin version of you. It's like you're possessed. There are moments when I see the real Maura breaking through, moments where you look at me and I see that old love in your eyes. But then, in an instant, it's gone, and it's replaced by a woman who is stubborn and angry, and she lies. It's come to a point where I don't know which one is which anymore.

"I have a man I don't know, a man you claim isn't your boyfriend but who acts as if he is, who calls you constantly. Do you do this to him when your there? Do you treat him the same way?

"Do I really mean so little to you? Am I really so insignificant in your life that I can be tossed aside as if I'm nothing? Like some toy you pick back up and play with only when it suits you? I love you so much Maura. That's never changed and that will never change. But I don't know who you are anymore."

"I have cancer, Jane."

-/-

A/N:: there it is the answer you've all been seeking. for some of you it's just a confirmation of suspicions you already had. i'm sure everyone will have an opinion as to it being an acceptable excuse for maura's behavior, but i have been there. i know what it's like to not want to put somebody through that, because it's a heavy burden. if someone you love asks you to stick around after news like that, you will because you love them, whether it's something you can truly handle or not. and when i had maura tell jane that she wanted her to think and wanted it to be her decision, that's what i was referring to. it's hard to ask someone to be there with you til the end, and it's also a huge risk of your own heart because what if they agree to stick around and then later decide they can't handle it and leave you right when your on death's doorstep... it's a very hard decision to make and should never be made lightly.


	18. Bad News Blues

DISCLAIMER:: not mine and all that jazz

A/N:: i know this took a while but i've been planning my birthday weekend and i'm going on several business trips across the country in a couple months so i have to prepare for those. but to make up for it, i am posting two chapters. i'm hoping to get another out before monday, before the second season primeres and i have new material i have to work with. this first chapter is entirely in flashback. it's kinda maura's pov of the last two chapters of saved, more or less. enjoy!

-/-

**_TWO YEARS, THREE MONTHS AGO_**

_"Where is that girl?" Angela Rizzoli stared out the kitchen window as if it would somehow make her daughter magically appear._

_Jane had readily volunteered to get the groceries nearly three hours prior and had yet to return or call. Even Maura was starting to worry though she wasn't about to let Angela see her fear._

_"I'm sure she just got held up at the store; you know Jane, sometimes she has impeccable focus, but sometimes she just lets her mind get away from her."_

_Angela grunted an affirmative and resumed dinner preparations._

_Maura barely heard the small phone when it rang. She dug through her purse until she found her cell and accepted the call._

_"Dr. Maura Isles."_

_"Yes, Dr. Isles, this is Dr. Hayward from Massachusetts General Hospital."_

_"Oh hello."_

_"I'd like to have an appointment with you immediately regarding some irregularities in a few of your tests."_

_Maura frowned. Irregularities? What irregularities?_

_"Dr. Isles?"_

_"Yes, I'm sorry, is there anything wrong?"_

_"I'd much rather speak with you in person." The doctor's voice was somber. "Are you available tomorrow?"_

_"Yes, of course."_

_"Is 8am convenient for you?"_

_"Yes, thank you."_

_Maura hung up and set down the phone slowly on the table._

_"Dear, are you alright? You look pale."_

_Maura pasted a smile on her face and nodded. "Yes, Angela, I'm fine, thank you."_

_But her head raced with possibilities. So many tests had been done. Which ones were irregular? If the doctor wouldn't discuss it on the phone it must be serious. Did she contract an infection in one of her wounds? Her mind refused to shut down and every minute felt like an hour._

_Finally she heard the telltale sign of a car door slamming. She raced to the front door and threw it open. Jane's head snapped up, her arms struggling to manage the grocery bags and the keys._

_Maura put her hands on her hips._

_"Where have you been?"_

_Jane frowned. "Getting the groceries." She saw Jane move to step around her, but she moved to block her way._

_"You left nearly three hours ago Jane. It does not take three hours to go to the market."_

_Angela had been right. Jane had been gone way too long. What could she have possibly been doing? Where had she really been? How had she not been here at the moment after that phone call? How would she ever explain that phone call? Jane had been so worried about her ever since the shooting at her apartment; she couldn't worry her anymore, that would just be cruel._

_Jane set down the grocery bags and Maura felt her long arms slip around her. Jane pulled her in tight, burying her face in Maura's golden hair. "I'm sorry."_

_Maura felt instant safety. Those tests didn't matter, not tonight. Tonight was about being with Jane and her family, a family Maura hoped to be a part of one day._

_"Janie, is that you?"_

_Maura fought through her physical reluctance and extracted herself from Jane's arms. She bent down and scooped up the groceries, taking them into the kitchen. She heard the front door close behind her and the sounds of Jane's footsteps as the detective followed right behind her._

_Angela looked up from where she was slicing mozzarella. "What took you so long? We don't eat supper at midnight, ya know?"_

_Jane shifted. "Sorry Ma, I had to make an extra stop."_

_Maura studied Jane curiously but the older woman just glanced pointedly at her mother and mouthed 'later'._

-/-

_At Maura's insistence they checked into the Fairmont Copley. She knew Jane felt awkward and uncomfortable in the four star hotel, but she wanted to feel safe tonight._

_Jane had held her hand ever since they exited the car, keeping her close and she was again grateful for her presence. That phone call was all she'd been able to think about for the entire night._

_The second they entered the hotel room, Jane was pulling her into a tight embrace. Maura smiled and nuzzled Jane's neck. "I love you, Jane."_

_Jane pulled Maura's mouth up to hers and they kissed softly. "You are…everything to me."_

_Jane started to pull away but Maura shook her head and pulled her close again. "I want to fall asleep in your arms."_

_Jane smiled and nodded. "That can be arranged."_

_Maura let Jane pull her clothes off and help her into bed. Once they'd settled in under the blankets, Maura curled into Jane, her body sighing with the relief and safety that embrace brought. For now, for this moment, she could escape from the world. It was her, and it was Jane, nothing else._

-/-

_She couldn't sleep; she knew Jane wasn't sleeping either, but the detective was faking it so that they could prolong the inevitable fight, so they could have one more night of happiness before the world came crashing down. Her refusal of Jane's proposal hung thick in the air._

_It wasn't until a few minutes before dawn that Maura saw Jane's muscles actually relax. Exhaustion had finally won out._

_Maura rose from the bed and sat at the small desk, staring out the window. Jane's coat was thrown across the desk. Maura smiled to herself, picking it up and folding it properly. A small object fell from the pocket and toppled to the floor. She set the coat down and picked up the small box. She didn't have to open it up to know what it contained. A ring. Jane had bought her a ring. So this wasn't just some empty proposal. Jane had actually thought it out. It could still just be a desperate move, but at least she had distinct proof that it wasn't just an arbitrary thought that floated through in that one moment._

_She caressed the box between her hands, clutching it as if her life was contained inside it. She stood and looked at the bed, at Jane asleep there. She could wake her up, tell her she was wrong, that she really did want to marry her. Mistakes were made everyday; she'd freaked out in the moment is all. But instead she paced the room, trying to work up the courage to tell Jane yes._

After the appointment. After my appointment, I'll tell her yes. Once I go there and they tell me I've been worrying all night for no reason; I'll tell her I was wrong.

_Jane didn't wake up once as she dressed and quietly slipped from the room, ring box still in hand. She asked the front desk to call her a cab and it was there shortly. She made small talk with the cab driver as he drove the short distance from the hotel to the hospital. She'd picked that specific hotel because it was only a mile and a half away from the hospital. If she was lucky, she'd be back before Jane even woke and noticed she was gone._

_"Dr. Isles, please, have a seat."_

_Maura sat slowly in the chair Dr. Hayward indicated. She was a kind enough looking woman, poised, direct. Maura was sure she'd get along quite well with her under normal circumstances. But these were not normal circumstances._

_"As you know, when you came into the hospital after you were injured we took several blood tests. Some of your tests have shown sufficient irregularities in your blood cell counts. I'd like to run several more tests as well as do a bone marrow biopsy to confirm, but you seem to have developed AML."_

_Maura needed no explanation further than that. She had leukemia. Cancer. Maura Isles, who had never been one to break the rules, who toed the line because she believed it was there for a reason, who felt guilty indulging in a fluffer nutter because it wasn't conducive to healthy eating habits. She did yoga and ran and went to the gym five days a week. She worked at a job that helped detectives like Jane capture killers. She was a good person; she didn't deserve this._

_"I know it's a lot to take in."_

_Maura wanted to laugh in this woman's face, wanted to laugh at the irony of life._

_"We should start treatment right away."_

_"My girlfriend proposed to me last night."_

_Dr. Hayward seemed taken aback, obviously that was not the response she was expecting. "Congratulations."_

_"I said no. I said no because I had this little nagging feeling in the back of my mind that told me to wait and hear what you had to say before I made any crucial, life-changing decisions." She finally let herself chuckle a little before the tears filled her eyes. "I guess it's fortunate that I declined."_

_"This isn't a death sentence Dr. Isles."_

_"We've spent a lot of time in hospitals over the past few months. I won't put her through that again."_

_The doctor was quiet for a moment. "It's good to have support in these situations. It's helpful to have someone there to help you through the difficult parts. Treatment will be aggressive and it would be good to have someone there."_

_Maura squared her shoulders. She couldn't put Jane through this again. "I'm accustomed to being alone."_


	19. Letters To Jane

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: here's installment two. the aftermath. hopefully it brings a little more insight into maura's reasoning. i respect where everyone has been coming from that jane wouldn't have cared, and this chapter explains that maura already knew jane wouldn't care, that it wouldn't change jane's love for her, but she still did it and why. one of my favs. enjoy!

-/-

Maura had expected that if she ever did tell Jane the truth about why she left, that it would be in a much more intimate setting than a hospital room, and the conversation would certainly have contained less hostility. She couldn't control how it slipped out. Jane was obviously hurting and she deserved to know why Maura had made the decisions she had. So Maura had blurted. Not exactly the best option, but it did silence Jane completely.

Then Jane stood, and she left the room.

Maura tried to tell herself it didn't matter, that it didn't hurt. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. This was how it was always going to be. She'd known it from the day she heard that news in the doctor's office. Loneliness and she had always been companions and now was no different. She'd manage, as she always had. Maura told herself all this to console herself, but she wasn't believing any of it.

-/-

"Hey." Frost peeked around the corner of the autopsy suite doors.

Jane glanced up at him from where she stood by one of the autopsy tables.

"What are you doing down here?"

Jane's fingers traced along the edge of the table. "It all started here. This is where everything started to go wrong. That shooting… Bobby Marino… losing Frankie… almost losing Maura… Veronica… almost losing Maura again… Maura leaving… this was the beginning of the end."

Frost frowned. "So you what… came down here to mourn the life that could have been?"

Jane sighed. "She used to be so beautiful, so gentle and kind. She smiled all the time and she carried herself with such a grace. I knew I wanted that in my life."

"Used to? You think she's not that way anymore?"

Jane smiled sadly, the beginnings of tears at the very corners of her eyes. "She doesn't smile anymore."

"Things have been hard on her lately Jane. If you knew what she's been through…"

"The cancer?"

Frost seemed genuinely shocked. "She actually told you."

Jane nodded, but didn't say anything.

"She wanted to tell you. She tried for a couple months… that's why she didn't leave right after she found out."

Jane shook her head. "I was there every moment. How could she not tell me? This wouldn't have mattered."

"That's precisely why she didn't tell you Jane."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"She knew you would give up your life to make hers comfortable. You loved her enough to spend every single day in a hospital room without complaint. She didn't want that for you. She didn't want you to let life pass you by because you were too busy taking care of her. But don't take my word for it… I think there's something I should show you."

-/-

The envelope was bulky with her name written on the front in Maura's elegant script. She shut herself away in the conference room amidst the active files of their current case, knowing it was the only place she was unlikely to be disturbed for a while.

She took several minutes just staring at it. She held it in her hands. If not for the wedding these would have been Maura's last words for her. Part of her wanted to preserve them, but her curiosity won out and she opened the envelope.

There were several pictures tucked inside of them, together. Jane studied each one for what seemed like an eternity, trying to relive the moment captured in each photograph. Finally she reached the letter, or what she found to be two separate letters.

She unfolded them carefully, her fingers tracing over Maura's written words. This was written by the old Maura, by her Maura. Before all the bullshit. This was her last connection to the woman she fell in love with.

_Jane:_

_As I write this you are still asleep, though it's nearing noon, but we had an eventful night, so you are forgiven. You asked me to marry you last night. I told you no. I'm sorry that I declined, because there isn't a part of me that doesn't want to spend the rest of my life with you._

Jane set the first letter down on the table and ran a hand across her face. Could she handle reading this? She picked it back up. She had to finish.

_Today I found out I have cancer. AML. It's a form of leukemia. Dr. Hayward explained that we've caught it early. She told me that if I start treatment right away and go at it aggressively I should… live. I'm sorry, it's still sinking in. I've examined bodies with leukemia before… it's quite destructive. I know you'd want me to wake you up and explain all this in person, but I think I'll let you sleep just a while longer._

She set the letter aside and started in on the second.

_Jane:_

_You have left. I heard the door slam. No doubt because I have just told you I'm going to San Francisco without you. I know you're in pain and it kills me that I've brought us to this. You love me. You've tried so hard since that day at headquarters to make me feel your love and I do, everyday. I wish I could be what you need. I wanted so badly to make you happy Jane. I wanted to be your wife. I wanted to be the mother of your children. But, in life, we can't always receive those things which we desire. It's ironic, you know. I was shot, and I survived. I came out of a month long coma with no neurological damage. As if it weren't enough, I survived one of the scariest nights of my life. I knew I was supposed to die that night in your apartment, but by some miracle of fate, I survived that too. But Death comes for us all sooner or later, and maybe I've cheated it one too many times. Maybe my number was supposed to be up and this is my payback. But it doesn't have to be yours Jane. I love you. That's why I'm leaving. I know you won't understand now, but I'm hoping that one day, you will. I love you enough to let you live your life freely, without the burden of a diseased girlfriend. I'll get worse, steadily. Treatments only prolong the inevitable… that's why they're called treatments and not cures. There is no cure Jane. This will not go away. It can't be stopped by good detective work; it won't back down in the face of a firearm. You can't save me from this, and that will kill you. And what's even worse is that you'll let it. I can already see the destruction of everything that you are, of everything I love about you, clearly in my head. I don't want that for you, even more than I want to be with you. So I'm going away, far away, so that you never have to think of me again. I'm leaving all our pictures in the envelope with my letters and will leave the in Frost's care. I'll disappear from your life and maybe for a while it will be difficult to forget, but eventually when you think of me, the details of my face will start to blur, and before you can realize it's happened, you'll be unable to recall exactly what I looked like. You'll forget how I smiled and the way I laughed. You'll forget, the pain will dull, and then one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt anymore. I do this for you Jane. Be safe. Be free. And above all else, be happy._

-/-

Maura nearly fell out of the bed when Jane burst through the door to her hospital room.

She sat up just as the detective crossed the room and their lips crashed together moments later.

Maura fell into the kiss. Jane had come back. She was here.

Then someone across the room cleared their throat.

Both women glanced over at the other occupant in the room.

"You must be Jane Rizzoli. I'm Kyle Pritchard."


	20. A New Lead

DISCLAIMER:: not mine

A/N:: was hoping to have this entire story posted before the second season primere but alas the day has arrived and i'm not quite finished yet. i will however post another two chapter update in honor of the much anticipated second season. enjoy guys!

-/-

Jane studied Kyle Pritchard with a growing feeling of dread taking over. He looked like he had stepped straight off a surfing ad. His hair was sandy blonde, his eyes aquatic blue, his complexion naturally tan. Jane glanced down at her own unkempt appearance. Her clothes were wrinkled and she knew her hair was wild. She looked wayward and disorderly next to him. The only thing she had over him was the fact that she had a vagina. Although Maura said she'd never gone there with him, so for all they knew…

"Maura has told me so much about you." He offered her his hand.

Jane frowned, but reluctantly shook the proffered hand. He was trying to pretend the kiss hadn't just happened.

"Kyle, do you mind if I speak to Jane alone for a few minutes?"

Kyle's warm smile fell instantly into a frown. "I don't think any excitement is good for you in your condition."

"I'll be fine Kyle, please."

"Maura…"

Jane stepped in between him and the bed, all sense of politeness leaving her body. "The lady asked you nicely."

Kyle narrowed his eyes, but backed away and walked out of the room.

"Jane."

Jane shushed her with another kiss.

When Jane finally pulled away, Maura tilted her head in her infamous curious expression. "What was that for?"

"Because I love you."

"You read the letters, didn't you?"

Jane slowly nodded. She took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Why didn't you just tell me Maur? We're best friends… you can tell me anything. You should have just told me about your fears."

Maura glanced away. "If I had stayed in Boston and asked you to stay away from me, would you have listened? Especially if I told you the reason?"

Jane shook her head. "Absolutely not."

"That's why I left Jane. I was scared and confused. I'd just been handed this death sentence and I had nothing I could do to change my fate. But I knew there was something I could do to change yours, so that you weren't left to suffer with me. It took every ounce of strength in me to hurt you that day I announced I was leaving. I made you out to be the bad guy, to intentionally hurt you, so that there would be no risk of you coming after me."

"I understand why you did what you did Maur."

Maura shook her head. "Don't do that. Don't look at me with forgiveness in your eyes. I've been cold Jane. I went to a dark place, one that I would normally never go to, so that I could push everyone away, so they'd be spared. And you received the brunt of it all. I've been awful to you."

Jane put a hand under Maura's chin and lifted it until their eyes met. "Yes, you have. But you had your reasons. And although I don't agree with them; it's certainly not what I would have done in your shoes; I do understand them. You devastated me with the way you acted Maur; you broke my heart. But that's in the past. What's important is not the decisions you made then. It's the ones you make from now on."

-/-

"Where have you been all day?" Moore zeroed in on Jane the second she walked through the door to the bullpen.

Jane shrugged. "At the hospital. Where are we on the search for our suspect?"

"We searched Raya Lewis's apartment, but she wasn't there. We've searched all the phone records, trying to identify our perp, see if our vic had any contact with her. They know each other somehow, this was personal, and if our vic can't tell us who she is…"

Jane ran a hand through her hair. She'd been so focused on Maura that she'd completely neglected the case.

"What if Jane isn't our ultimate target? What if Raya was? What if this has all been about her?"

Jane and Moore glanced over at Crowe, who was just hanging up the receiver.

"Since we didn't have any information on our mystery woman I decided to trace Raya Lewis's history. She was born in Tucson, Arizona but she attended a special school for impaired children in Minnesota from age 14 to 16."

Jane frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Crowe crossed his arms agitatedly at being interrupted. "As I was about to say, she left after allegations were raised over a teacher/student relationship."

"Raya Lewis was dating a teacher?"

Crowe shook his head, his eyes glowing with a secret only he knew. "Nope, her roommate was. A girl by the name of Summer Raley. Raya accused a male teacher of taking advantage of Summer."

"So Summer is our killer? But why? If Summer was being taken advantage of, wouldn't she be grateful?"

Crowe shrugged. "According to the statements from the teacher, a Mr. Anderson White, the acts were consensual. He offered to resign and register as a sex offender if he could avoid jail time."

Jane gestured for him to just come out with it.

"Raya left right after he resigned, but Summer stayed another month until she left for medical reasons."

Jane frowned. "What sort of medical reasons?"

Crowe smiled. "It took a little digging, but she had a miscarriage."

-/-

Jane stood staring up at the grand entrance of Massachusetts General. How many times had she been here in the past three years? It seemed as if she'd lived a lifetime here.

"If you try just a little harder, you might be successful."

Jane glanced down at Maura, wrapped in several layers of clothing despite the bath water feel of the air around them.

"What?"

Maura shrugged. "You look as if you're trying to blow it up with your mind."

Jane smirked. "I was not."

Maura raised an eyebrow.

"I wouldn't do that… at least not while I thought you were still in it." Jane chuckled. "Speaking of which, what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" She gestured to the open air.

Maura smiled. "I escaped."

"You broke out?"

Maura hit her arm playfully. "Don't be silly Jane; I signed myself out. I collapsed because I was dehydrated. That doesn't require me to live in a hospital bed."

"What's Kyle have to say about all this?"

Maura wasn't sure whether Jane was talking about the fact that she'd discharged herself or what they'd discussed before Jane had left her hospital room earlier. No matter, her answer was the same either way. "He doesn't know."


	21. Correcting Old Mistakes

DISCLAIMER:: still not mine

A/N:: second post of the day. love this chapter and hav a feeling everyone else will to. definite flip on events. more to come, but for now, enjoy!

-/-

Jane smacked the hallway wall in frustration.

"Jane." Maura rubbed a hand down Jane's back to calm the detective down.

"She fits Maur! Everything points to Summer Raley. You confirmed that she was posing as Raya's girlfriend. She disappears without a trace… it all fits."

"Maybe you want to solve this so badly that it's clouding your judgment. Maybe Summer was staying with Raya, or they'd recently reconnected. Maybe she really did walk in on our killer and Raya was already incapacitated. You saw her eyes when you showed her that picture. Her first reaction was one of compassion, and when I asked her if this was her attacker her expression grew to one of disbelief and she shook her head. Summer is not our attacker Jane, but maybe she does know who is. We still need to find her."

Jane glanced at Maura. "You've changed so much. Maybe wasn't exactly part of your vocabulary before."

Maura shrugged. "It's hard to keep living your life by facts when they betray you. They were the one thing I could always count on; I relied on them heavily, they made me excellent at my job. But when I got sick… I'm a walking exception. I shouldn't have the type of cancer I do, and yet I do have it. For the first time in my life it felt like the facts were lying to me."

-/-

"We have everyone out there looking for Summer Raley." Frost handed Jane a cup of coffee and sat next to her at the conference room table. She was studying the murder board, searching for the missing link.

"I think Summer Raley is our link. With a little more digging Crowe found that she worked at the Delow Women's clinic under an alias. She had a former connection to our surviving vic. She was there when Raya Lewis was attacked. It all falls so perfectly into place. So why is it all wrong?"

"Sometimes things are not what they seem. Everything can't always be taken at face value. Maybe Summer Raley's relationship with her teacher wasn't consensual. Maybe she really was being taken advantage of. In that case, Raya Lewis quite possibly saved her from a rapist she felt she otherwise couldn't escape from. But there was one person we know would have held a grudge against Raya Lewis."

"The teacher." Jane nodded. "He lost his job because she ratted him out, his reputation went down the drain. He lost everything because of her. He claimed the sex was consensual, that he loved Summer Raley and she loved him. If he truly loved Summer, then Raya not only took away his job, but his girlfriend, and quite possibly his baby. He probably blames her for everything." Jane stood. "Have Moore find out what happened to our dear professor after he resigned. I want to know every move he's made since then."

Frost stood too. "Where are you going?"

Jane gave him a half smile. "I have some unfinished business to attend to."

-/-

When Jane entered the apartment the first thing she saw was the suitcase on the couch. Her stomach dropped. No, this wasn't happening. The case wasn't over yet.

"Maur?" She walked down the hallway to the open bedroom door.

Maura was sitting down on the bed, staring down into her hands. Jane followed her gaze to the little box Maura was holding.

"I was unpacking and I…" Maura glanced up at Jane with tears in her eyes. "I didn't know… you kept it all this time."

Jane frowned. "All this time?"

"I found it in your coat pocket the morning after you proposed. I didn't have the heart to open it. I had refused, so it wasn't mine. I remember feeling as if it was my evidence that it wasn't some spur of the moment decision, that you had really thought out the proposal. I took it with me to my appointment, as a reminder that if it was nothing, if I was just being paranoid, that I would go back to the hotel and accept. Only after I had found out what I was facing did I return it. But you… kept it."

Jane crossed the room and sat down next to Maura. She took the little box from the medical examiner's hands. "I was hoping it was all some big mistake. That you'd land in San Francisco and then just hop right back on the next flight back to Boston, back to me. This became a symbol of my hope, my faith that you'd come back." Jane opened the little box and smiled. "Besides, it was too pretty to return."

Maura just stared at the ring. She'd put it back in Jane's coat pocket without looking that day. After the news at the hospital, she'd wanted to get herself as far away from that box as possible. But now… "Jane, that must have cost you a small fortune." It was three diamonds on a white gold band, at least two carats, maybe two and a half. A small dusting of diamonds accented either side of the main trio. It was outrageous on a detective's salary.

Jane shrugged. "It only took me six bank robberies before I'd raised enough."

Maura narrowed her eyes and pushed Jane's shoulder. "Very funny Jane."

"It took a while, months, to save up enough. And I was so proud when I bought it. I wanted something worthy of you." Jane snapped the box shut as if closing it would push the memory from her mind.

"I'm sorry Jane."

"Why San Francisco?"

Maura was taken aback by the sudden change of topic. "What?"

"You could have gone anywhere. If the goal was just to get away from me, to spare me, why San Francisco?" Jane sighed. "Why pick a city so far away?"

"Stanford."

"College?"

"I had been offered the job in San Francisco several times since I started working here in Boston and it never occurred to me to take it. I'd have to uproot everything, change my life, …leave you. It was never worth it. But Dr. Hayward told me about this doctor at Stanford who was pushing the boundaries in leukemia research. He'd done several clinical trials with various treatments. She recommended I meet with him. I figured that was a sign. So I finally took them up on the offer and agreed to take the job in San Francisco. That way I could get the treatment I needed and still work."

"Did it help?"

Maura was quiet for several moments before she shook her head. "I wouldn't know."

"He wouldn't help?"

"I refused. I didn't want to be a guinea pig, not when I had plenty of good years left. Why risk accelerating my demise? I realized, for me, it was more about quality than quantity."

"So you did nothing?"

Maura smiled. "No, Jane, I am a doctor after all. I know the risk of doing nothing. I just wasn't willing to take the risk of doing some radical treatment. If it went wrong I'd never…"

"You'd never what?"

Maura stood up and put some distance between her and the detective. She rubbed her eyes. "I'd never see you again; I'd never get the opportunity to tell you the truth."

"Maura, I don't want you putting your health in jeopardy."

Maura smiled. "I knew you'd say that." She shook her head. "You're always thinking of what's best for me. Even after everything… Why?"

Jane ran a finger across the little box she still held. "Because love is messy. It's not perfect. The stars don't align, the clouds don't part. You can meet your soul mate, know they are your soul mate, and still never end up together. Like a girl who meets the man of her dreams, but he's already happily married to someone else and he's just a decent enough guy that he won't bail on his commitments. People can be meant for each other and it still doesn't work out... the timings not right, their families won't approve, the distance is too great. The reasons to break up start to outweigh the reasons to stay together. Everything in life is a constant struggle, love is no exception. It's hard work and heart ache. You fight and you scream and at the end of the day you find yourself evaluating every breath you've ever taken together and calculating if it's still worth it to move forward. Love is messy, and it's hard. I'd be stupid if I had gone into this believing I'd never be hurt."

"This isn't the same Jane."

"Isn't it?" Jane stood up. "I've known Maura, from day one, that it was you. It's always been you. It will always be you. I was done from the moment we met and everything I've done since then has been to bring you into my arms. I've always known it was going to be a long road."

"Jane…"

"I'd wait forever for you, Maura."

"Jane…"

"Being with someone else isn't an option for me. I'd just be settling for second best."

"Jane…"

"And I don't want anyone else."

"Jane!"

Jane had been so off in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice the petite blonde was now standing right in front of her. "Hmm?"

"Marry me?"

Well that was just about the last thing Jane Rizzoli had been planning to hear that day, especially coming from the mouth of the medical examiner.

"I should say no, because wounds need time to heal." Jane pushed a few strands of Maura's hair behind her ear. "But, healing aside, I know what I want in my future, who I want in my future. So yes, Maura Isles, I will marry you."

Maura gripped Jane's shirt and pulled the detective's mouth down to hers. They kissed for several minutes, Maura gripping Jane's shirt tighter every time she tried to pull back for air. Finally she let her go.

Jane grinned, resting her forehead against Maura's. "You do know what the downside to this is?"

Maura pulled back. "What?"

Jane made a face. "I'm going to be related to Frost now."

Maura burst out laughing and buried her face against Jane's shoulder.


	22. A Sincere Request

DISCLAIMER:: don't own the bulk of this content

A/N:: sorry again for the long wait between updates. motherhood and work constantly steal away all my time. enjoy.

-/-

Jane sat awake studying the medical examiner. She lay on the bed on her stomach next to the detective. The sheet was only pulled up to the small of her back, leaving her upper back exposed. It was smooth and unmarred, quite possibly the only part of her body that was. Her gaze shifted to Maura's left hand, the engagement ring she'd purchased over two years before glittering on her finger. It looked as if it belonged there. She smiled to herself, savoring the moment before she had to destroy it to return to work. They could celebrate the engagement properly once this case was over.

Jane's moment was prematurely shattered when a knock resounded through her apartment. She slid out of bed and grabbed her pants and a shirt, pulling them on as she headed to the door. She pulled it open without bothering to check the peephole, afraid if she took any more time the intruder might knock again. Kyle Pritchard stood before her, holding flowers.

"Aww, you really shouldn't have." Jane frowned, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Is Maura here?" He stared back at her, unafraid. "I need to speak with her."

"She's asleep. I'll tell her you stopped by." She started to close the door but he stopped it with a firm hand.

"You better move your hand before I make you move your hand." Jane didn't even try to reign in her threatening tone.

"Please Jane. I'm worried about her. She discharged herself from the hospital against doctor's orders. I'm worried she may be risking serious detriments to her health."

Jane ground her teeth together. She really didn't like this guy. From what little Maura had told her about him, he seemed like a decent enough person, but there was just something. Maybe it was his obvious love for Maura that made her uneasy. She'd seen Maura gain favor with people before over the course of their friendship, but nothing serious. It had always been appreciative glances and sleazy pick up lines. Never had someone gotten this close, besides herself of course. Or maybe it was the way he always seemed to push just a little too hard, to overstep the boundaries of friendship when it wasn't warranted or very much appreciated for that matter. But she still felt his sincerity when it came to matters concerning Maura's health. He obviously cared about her.

"You can wait in the living room."

Kyle nodded and walked past her into the small apartment.

"How long have you known Maura?" He sat down on the couch.

"Almost four years."

"She speaks very highly of you. Jane Rizzoli… all Jane all the time. She admires you."

Jane felt a surge of pride accompanied by a tinge of awkwardness. "It's common for colleagues to have a mutual admiration for each other."

Kyle smiled sadly. "She loves you Jane. I've tried to get her attention for two years and all my attempts have barely even registered on her radar. Whenever I bring up the future she finds some way to incorporate you into the conversation. It's as if she doesn't see a future without you."

Jane couldn't help the growing feeling of happiness. Apparently Maura's devotion really had never faltered.

"She would spend forever with you if you said the word." Kyle took a deep breath. "So I'm asking you to tell her to go back to San Francisco."

"What?"

"There is a doctor at Stanford… he could save her life."

Jane shook her head. "She told me the treatment was too much of a risk, too experimental."

Kyle nodded, chuckling. "It doesn't surprise me she'd tell you that, spin it that way. Tell you the truth without really telling you the truth." He shook his head, growing somber again. "It is a risk, all treatments are and it is still classified as experimental. But if she doesn't have this treatment, she'll have maybe seven years. Less than five if she refuses chemotherapy and radiation."

"So why didn't she agree when she was in San Francisco? It's what she went there for."

Kyle looked Jane straight in the eye. "Because of you." Despite the fact that he was asking this favor of her, this huge favor, he made no move to hide his contempt for her.

"Me?"

"She was always hoping you'd come after her and she didn't want to commit to something that would force her to stay in San Francisco for any set amount of time. 'What if Jane comes?' That was always her excuse."

Jane shook her head. "If I had known…"

"She needs this treatment."

Jane shook her head again. "She's a big girl; she makes her own decisions."

"Not without considering you." The jealousy touched his eyes then, though he tried to hide it.

_So this is why he doesn't like me… he blames me for Maura's health choices_. Jane opened her mouth to respond.

"JANE!" Maura's panicked yell came from the bedroom.

Both Jane and Kyle didn't hesitate. They raced for the bedroom of the small apartment.

Maura's chest was heaving when Jane, who beat Kyle there, slid into the room.

"Maura, baby, what's wrong?" Jane was at the bed in two seconds, pulling Maura to her, trying to block the topless ME from the view of her suitor's prying eyes.

"Jane, I woke up, and…" Maura had been staring into Jane's eyes but as the man by the door shuffled uneasily, she caught sight of him in her peripherals. Her attention shot to him.

"I brought you flowers. They're in the living room." He waited for a response but got none. "Well, I'll go. I'm staying at the Four Seasons. I'll call you. We'll have lunch."

He left the room and a second later they heard the front door open and close.

"He's worried about you." Jane kissed the top of Maura's head.

Maura nodded. "He shouldn't be. And neither should you. I just had a bad dream. When I woke up you weren't there. I became irrational for a moment. It has passed."

"You sure?"

Maura nodded. "I'm sorry he showed up here. He probably got a hold of my file at the hospital. He's always been able to smooth talk anybody into giving him what he wants."

Jane nodded. "I can see that."

Maura frowned. "Hey, you have nothing to worry about." She kissed Jane softly. "As far as you and I go, I'm all in, okay?"

-/-

"Rizzoli got laid." Crowe smiled and elbowed Frost, pointing. "She's not being as much of a bitch today."

Jane stopped talking to the group and whirled to focus on Crowe. "If getting laid is the way to improve an attitude, then obviously you haven't gotten any in years."

Frost tried to cover his amusement at the dis.

Crowe frowned, obviously not enjoying how the tables had turned.

"Where are we on the search for Summer Raley?"

Moore cleared his throat. "We found her address on file for the Delow Clinic. Some uniforms went to pick her up but she wasn't there. She's definitely been living there though. She didn't have much in the way of furniture or decorations, but the fridge was full and the bedroom was well lived in. Her alias may have been fake, but she didn't try and hide who she was beyond that. There was mail in her kitchen, all addressed to Summer Raley. She had a photo album by the bed filled with pictures from her past. She had several small mementos, including a jewelry box with her real name carved into it. With the exception of work, she lived her life as Summer Raley."

Jane knotted her brow in thought. "Why come to a new place and invent a completely new identity, but hold on to your real one too?"

Frost shrugged. "Maybe she was trying to hook up with Raya and so she kept the old one so she could get in touch with her."

Jane shook her head. "I need two uniforms to take shifts sitting on the apartment. And another two at the Delow. And we might as well station more at the hospital."

"You really think she'd risk being seen there again? We've already put the staff on high alert." Korsak frowned. "Seems like a waste of manpower."

"Summer could have ran. She called the police, they were on their way. She knew they'd have questions. She knew she would risk being found out. But she still went to the hospital. She only skipped out when she knew Raya was going to be okay. She may try and check in on her, or go back to her apartment. We have a serial killer on the loose. He's laying low now… so this is the time for us to take the offensive and our only lead is this woman, so we will waste as much manpower as it takes."

The men all grumbled but agreed. They all dispersed slowly, obviously not looking forward to what they all assumed was going to be a long wait.

Jane's phone rang before she'd even had time to move towards her desk. She glanced at the screen briefly before accepting the call. "Hey Ma."

She spent the next twenty minutes listening to her mother gripe about how she had yet to bring Maura over for dinner, and hadn't they just made up yet?, and a billion other little things she could think of to complain about.

It took assurances (numbering somewhere near the millions) that they would come for dinner the second the case was over, and a promise to kiss Maura for her (Jane was sure she'd have no problem with that one) before her mother would agree to let her go.

She'd barely taken a step before it rang again. This time it was Maura. "Hey, baby, what's up?"

There was a long pause before, "Jane, can you come home, please?"

Jane frowned. "Is everything okay? Did something happen? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"

"No, Jane, I'm fine. I promise. Just come home, okay?"

There was something weird about Maura's tone that made her agree. "Okay, I'll be right there."


	23. Where It Began

DISCLAIMER:: i own nothing

A/N:: this has taken a long time, i know. and i wish i could say i am going to update more frequently, but i can't promise that. a couple bad medical tests have proven i have a very bad condition and i'm in the middle of treatment, including surgery in a couple weeks. after surgery, i will be bedridden for six weeks so my hope is to spend some time with my laptop and pump out several more chapters before the end of the year to make up for all the lost time. again, i apologize, but it was out of my control. more to come soon.

-/-

A million thoughts were rushing through Jane's mind. Maura had sounded so off on the phone. Not worried, calm, but in an unusual way. Her words had been rushed and she'd been vague, which wasn't something Maura was exactly known for. She'd sounded almost as if she was asking Jane to read between the lines.

She approached her apartment door and just stood still, listening to any sounds inside. She heard nothing. Finally she put her key in the lock and unlocked the door. She opened it but the chain caught after it had opened only six inches.

"What the… Maura?"

The door closed and she heard the chain slide free, then it opened and the medical examiner was there, pulling the door closed behind her. She glanced up and down the hallway. "Jane. No one's here with you right?"

"What's the chain doing on the door Maura?"

The medical examiner didn't seem to hear the question. She glanced back at the apartment door. "Jane…"

Jane held a hand up when she heard footsteps coming from the other side of the door.

"Maura, who's in there?"

"Jane, she called me. Please just hear her out before you bring anyone else in on this. She trusted me enough to come here; she could have refused. She's willing to cooperate."

Before Jane could respond, the door opened and standing there was Summer Raley.

-/-

Jane stood. Even though Maura had encouraged her multiple times to take a seat, she refused. Taking a seat put her at a disadvantage to the other woman in the room and she wasn't going to let the Veronica fiasco repeat itself by making a careless mistake. She'd learned to always be on her guard and keep the upper hand.

"I apologize for the phone call. Dr. Isles informed me of her condition and warned me that you might be worried by such a vague request. I'm sorry if it caused any worry. I just had to make sure you would come alone."

Jane didn't say anything, just studied Summer. She was beautiful. Long blonde hair, pale, light blue eyes. Her complexion was so fair that it, combined with her lean frame, made her look breakable. She had little lines extending from the corners of her mouth, little wrinkles. As if she once smiled all the time, but now had forgotten how to.

"All of Boston PD is out looking for you."

Summer nodded. "I saw the surveillance team sitting on my place, and hers. I assume you've also covered the hospital."

"We like to keep our bases covered, especially when our only lead is nowhere to be found."

Summer laughed dryly. "Is that why you're chasing me?"

Jane shrugged. "Why else would we be? Raya Lewis told us you weren't her attacker. She was adamant."

At the mention of Raya's name, Summer's entire demeanor changed. Every tense muscle relaxed and she seemed to calm instantly, becoming softer. "She's communicating, that's good."

"Her attacker broke her wrists and slit her throat. She can't talk about the attack, but she's able to respond to yes or no questions."

"You and Raya are close?" Maura spoke up from the couch.

Summer sat down on the opposite end of the couch and stared at her hands. "We were roommates in school, though I'm sure you already know all about that." She wrung her hands a couple times before looking back up at Jane. "After we both left school and went home, her to Tucson and myself to Milwaukee, we lost touch. But we ran into each other six years later, by complete coincidence, here in Boston. I was visiting an old friend for his birthday and she had moved here right after high school. She was engaged to her high school sweetheart and they had both been accepted to Harvard… she was always the smart one. We've been best friends ever since."

"I thought she wasn't married."

Summer looked back to her hands. "Patrick was hit by a drunk driver a week before the wedding. He didn't survive the night."

Jane frowned. Poor Raya. She had spent her entire life facing adversity for being deaf, having to work twice as hard to accomplish what everyone else did, to fit into the hearing world because it was what she had to do to get by. Then to have her fiancé tragically killed, and now this. Jane admired her strength.

"Did you see her attacker that night?"

Summer shook her head. "No, he was gone before I made it into the bedroom. He'd blocked the door and it had given him enough time to get out the window and onto the fire escape." She stood. "But I know exactly who did it."

"Who?"

Summer Raley frowned. "Anderson White."

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Your teacher?"

Summer nodded. "I grew up in Wisconsin, but I wasn't born there. I was born in Russia. I witnessed my older brother's death when I was three. He drowned in the river by our home. My mother knew I was traumatized by it because I stopped all speech development. We moved to the states in the hope that it would cure my silence but nothing did. I didn't speak one word again, until I was seventeen. That's why I was at that school. Most of the students were hearing impaired, so I fit right in. The deaf students didn't care that I didn't speak. I learned to move without making a noise, and eventually I just became a ghost all together. Raya was the first one to really show any interest in me. She taught me sign language." Summer smiled a small smile. "It was our last year there that he took any interest in me. Thanks to Raya, and my new way to communicate, I was becoming more involved. I was so thrilled that I'd finally found a way to connect with the world, or at least to connect with a small part of it. It was innocent at first… he wanted to discuss a paper here, ask a question about a project there. By the time we were two months into the year, he was asking me to come by after the conclusion of classes and assist him grading papers. I had never had any adult pay so much attention to me, even my parents usually left me alone when I came home. They weren't bad parents; they just didn't know how to deal with my situation. By the third month of school he had started the little touches. Nothing extreme, just a hand on my shoulder or my knee, sometimes my thigh. I had nothing to compare it to, so I figured that's how adults acted towards teenagers. But then…" She looked back down at her hands, a gesture Jane realized was her go to nervous habit. "It started slow, once every other week. By the time we were halfway through the school year it was three times a week. He never used any sort of protection."

Maura put a hand on Summer's shoulder and she flinched. "When did Raya find out?"

Summer finally relaxed at Maura's touch. "She guessed. I had stopped signing with her. I had reverted straight back into my shell. She knew it had to be because of the time I was spending with Mr. White, it was the only change in my life. She started finding excuses to be around and for a while things stopped. He kept his distance so she wouldn't find out. But he slipped. He put his hand on the small of my back and left it there longer than could be considered appropriate. When we got back to our room she told me she knew what was going on and she was going to protect me. The next time I saw Mr. White, he was packing up his office and leaving school. Raya left too, her parents pulled her out and I stayed, went back to being the silent girl, or at least I tried. But all any of the other students knew was that I was the reason Mr. White was fired. They said horrible things to me and all the stress… I fell out of my seat in class one day, the pain was awful. The doctor asked me if I knew I'd been pregnant and if the father knew. He hadn't, but somebody must have told him because I got a letter slipped under my dorm room door, from him. I left school the next day."

"What did the letter say?" Jane was intrigued now.

"He mentioned that he'd heard I'd been pregnant and lost the baby. He said he wanted to try again; he'd always wanted children. He said he loved me and he missed me; that he didn't blame me for what happened. He said he blamed Raya and, eventually, she'd pay for what she'd done." Summer shook her head. "I thought he was referring to karma, that eventually someone would break her heart or something, maybe that she'd lose her baby, but never this. I didn't realize how unstable he was."

"We need to go back to the station. We need to get your formal statement."

Summer shook her head. "No!"

"It's okay. You're not a suspect anymore."

"You don't understand detective. This is about me. He's out there, watching my every move."

"We can protect you."

"I've spent over a decade hiding from this man. Most days I wear contacts and a wig just to avoid being recognized. I've moved at least once every year. So he switched his tactics… he came after her. She's never had a reason to be afraid, and I've delivered him to her doorstep. That's why he left her alive… it was to flush me out. Now he's just waiting in the shadows, biding his time, until I surface. I took a big risk going to the hospital that night, but I had to make sure she was going to be okay. If you want to protect someone, protect her."

"She's being monitored. No one is allowed in to see her without the consent of the Boston Police Department."

This seemed to satisfy Summer and she relaxed a little. She was quiet for a time and then finally, "I'll come give my formal statement and tell you everything I know about Anderson White, but I'd like to stop by the hospital first and see her."

Jane frowned. "Why don't we stop by after you've given your statement?"

Summer shook her head. "Once I tell you my side of the story, I'm leaving Boston. Leaving is the only way I can protect her. If I go, he'll follow me."


	24. Unintentional Shield

DISCLAIMER:: don't own rizzoli & isles or any of the affiliated characters, just making them do my dirty work

A/N:: sorry about the wait. i tried to post before my surgery, but my computer was on the fritz. then there was a complication and i had to be readmitted to the hospital. but... i'm now alive and according to my doctor i'm going to stay that way. surgery was a half success, half fail, but i hopefully won't need any more procedures for at least two weeks to a month, so updates! yay!

-/-

Jane stepped into the bedroom to make the call to Frost.

"Frost." Even when her partner tried to sound official, it betrayed his age.

"It's me. I have Summer Raley."

"Where are you?"

"My apartment."

"Do you need backup? Is she hostile?" She heard the underlying worry in his tone. This was hitting too close to the incident at her last apartment. It seems none of them had officially recovered from that yet. Maybe they never would.

"No, everything's fine. She's ready to help us catch this guy and I think, with her help, it won't be a problem."

"Is it Anderson White?"

"So far, he's looking good for it. She can't place him at the scene, but she has a lot on him. We're just going to make a quick pit stop by the hospital, she asked to see Raya, and then we'll meet you back at headquarters. Make sure the team is all there. I want to find out what she knows and nail this guy before he does anything else."

"Got it."

They hung up and Jane returned to the living room.

"I need to come with you to headquarters." Maura met Jane halfway across the room.

"I think it would be better if you stay home and rest."

Maura frowned. "I need to see about getting my old job back."

Jane shook her head. "That can wait. You have barely been out of the hospital for a day, you need to rest."

"I'm not a child Jane. I believe I'm qualified enough to decide if I need to rest or not."

Jane sighed. She wouldn't win this battle. "Fine. But I swear Maur, the littlest hint of faintness and I'm bringing you straight back here, understand? I'll handcuff you to the bed if I have to."

Maura smirked. "Kinky." She put the back of her right hand to her forehead. "I think I'm feeling faint."

Jane rolled her eyes.

Maura smiled, kissing Jane's cheek. "I'll be right back." She disappeared into the bedroom.

"She loves you. And it's blatantly obvious you love her."

Jane looked at Summer and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"You're lucky."

Jane's gaze slid away from the blonde woman standing near the door to look towards her bedroom, where she could hear Maura rummaging around.

"Yeah, I am."

Summer smiled sadly. "I've never been in love. Anderson White ruined that for me."

Jane frowned. "Once we have him behind bars, you'll finally be free. You won't have to look over your shoulder anymore. You'll finally be able to live your life and fall in love."

Summer tried to give Jane a sincere smile and a nod, but while the nod was successful, the smile was just the opposite. She didn't tell the female detective, but she knew that she'd never be free of Anderson White. It had become her life, avoiding him, watching his movements to make sure they never crossed hers. She'd devoted her life to it. And she would never admit it, but she wasn't exactly sure who she was without Anderson White.

-/-

Maura leaned against the nurses' station with Jane, holding the detective's hand and leaning her head against her shoulder. They had decided to leave Raya and Summer alone for a few moments so they could talk privately. Then Summer had agreed to go back to headquarters and help them track down White.

"I had an interesting conversation with Dr. Pritchard when he dropped off your flowers."

Maura lifted her head so she could look at Jane. "He didn't bother you did he?"

Jane shrugged. "He obviously is not my biggest fan, but the feeling is mutual."

"What did he say to you?"

Jane was quiet for a few moments before she answered. "He said I'm the reason you refused that experimental treatment at Stanford."

"Is that all?"

Jane frowned. "What do you mean _is that all_? He was trying to make me feel guilty, like I'm the reason you're still sick."

"It was wrong of him to intentionally try and make you feel guilty, Jane. I'm sorry you have to deal with him at all. I'm going to have lunch with him tomorrow and straighten everything out. He'll go back to San Francisco, you and I will start planning our wedding and everything will be as it should have been from the start."

Jane smiled. She still wanted to discuss the entire health issue with Maura, but it would have to wait until they'd caught White and the storm had passed.

Jane felt a twinge of uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. Instinctively her hand went to her firearm and her free arm guided Maura protectively behind her. A man rounded the corner. He was far too young to be their perp and Jane felt herself start to relax. He was probably just a hospital visitor who'd made a wrong turn.

"Are you Detective Rizzoli?" The man's voice was shaky and nervous. His eyes darted between her and the guard standing near Raya's door.

"I am." Jane raised an eyebrow, completely confused. Who would even know she was here?

"I'm sorry."

The man, Jane, and the guard all whipped out their guns simultaneously.

Jane felt a surge of fear. She hadn't stared down a gun since…

_Jane saw the moment Veronica got the upper hand and she knew it was over. Veronica knocked her to the floor and she was left, staring up at the barrel of a gun._

_"This ends now." Veronica's finger closed on the trigger._

_Jane used the last moment of her life to pray that Maura made it out alive, that Veronica would consider the taking of her life as the payment for Bobby's death and leave it at that._

Two things happened simultaneously that shocked Jane back into reality. The man's gun discharged a bullet and Summer chose that exact moment to leave the safety of the room.

"Jane, what's…"

It hit her between her shoulder blades and she crumpled to the floor.

Jane and the guard each fired a round, bringing the man to his knees, two holes marking his chest.

Maura pushed out from behind Jane and slid to the floor by the body of Summer Raley.

Jane holstered her firearm as nurses and doctors seeped out from every direction, taking charge of the two wounded individuals.

She was vaguely aware of someone asking if she was alright and she nodded to shut them up. The next second Maura was putting a hand to her cheek and trying to get her to focus.

"Jane, honey." Maura tried to get Jane to meet her eyes. "Jane."

Finally Jane's eyes slid to hers. She blinked away her shock and the detective in her kicked in. She tried to move in the direction of someone who could tell her something, though deep down she knew there wouldn't be much to tell. But Maura's hand caught hers and the medical examiner pulled her back.

"What Maur?"

Maura looked just as scared as she had that day in Jane's apartment. "That bullet was meant for you Jane."


	25. Waiting

DISCLAIMER:: don't own. just borrowing.

A/N:: thank you to everyone for the well wishes. they went a long way since it seems i am in the clear. yay, no more surgery! i'm not fond of hospitals (who is really?) but i have spent a great deal of time in them and this chapter is bred from that. in fact the "bed" in the waiting room is a legitimate creation of myself at twenty one in the waiting room of UC Davis hospital. it's actually quite comfortable... sorry, tangent. enjoy and review as always.

-/-

"I want you off this case Rizzoli! This is hitting way too close to what happened two years ago."

Rizzoli just rolled her eyes at Cavanaugh. Obviously he didn't know her very well if he thought she'd stay away from this case.

"I mean it Rizzoli. Back off!"

"Yeah, sure." She hung up before he could reply and massaged her temples.

She'd been waiting for hours now. Both Summer Raley and their shooter were still in surgery. It was nearing midnight and the hospital was dead, visiting hours long over. She paced the surgical waiting room, unable to keep the scene from running through her mind. Yet again someone had taken a bullet meant for her. This time it had been unintentionally which made it that much worse. If Summer Raley didn't make it, it would be on her. That bullet had been meant for her.

The shooter was a man by the name of Alexander Munch. He was a regular blue collar guy who owned a small but successful restaurant in Brookline. She and Maura had been to it a few times when Maura still owned a house there. The second the doctors found his identification while cutting off his clothes, Rizzoli had assigned Frost the task of finding out everything they could on this man. He had a wife and four kids, two of each. He was forty two years old, a Colorado native. He had not even the slightest hint of a criminal record, in either Boston- where he had moved to at age twenty six as a newlywed- or in Colorado. He seemed to be a truly stand up guy.

But he had tried to kill her. That wasn't exactly the kind of thing a stand up guy would do.

Jane paced the length of the waiting room. It was huge, able to accommodate at least a hundred waiting family and friends of the individuals having surgery over the course of a given day. But now, at this hour of the night, there were only three people inhabiting its vast expanse. Herself, Maura, and a young girl no more than nineteen or twenty. She stopped pacing and looked towards the medical examiner. Maura was watching the girl with sad eyes. The girl had curled herself up in the far corner of the room. She was laying her torso across one of the chairs and had pushed two end tables together to hold her long legs, making her body into a sideways ninety degree angle. She had overturned an empty trash can and put her sweater on top of it to act as a pillow and fallen right to sleep. She looked comfortable and it struck Jane that this girl had spent far too much time in waiting rooms just like this, maybe this same one. She knew the drill… that sometimes the wait can stretch from dawn til dusk. It saddened her to know that a girl that young already knew that life and she wondered who this girl was waiting here for.

The doors opened and she slid her gaze from the girl to the doctor coming in. Her muscles tensed in anticipation for his news, but he walked right past her and approached the sleeping girl. As if sensing his approach the girl woke, instantly alert, as if she hadn't even been sleeping, just merely resting her eyes; the light sleep another testament to a life lived in hospital waiting rooms.

Jane tried not to eavesdrop but the quietness of the room made it impossible not to hear. Now that she saw the girl sitting up there was something familiar about her that Jane couldn't quite place.

For a moment the doctor and the girl just stared at each other without saying anything. Then… "I'm sorry. We did everything we could. But her body was just too weak, too damaged from all the effort."

Jane watched as the girl nodded in sad acceptance. She looked as if she'd somehow known, seen it coming. Maybe she had, thought Jane, maybe it's been coming for years.

The doctor whispered a few more apologies and was gone. The girl sat staring after him as if he might suddenly turn around and tell her she was on candid camera, that it was some kind of hoax. Finally she grabbed for her sweater, tossing it over her arm and stood.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

The girl regarded Jane with eyes that held no emotion, just a chilling numbness. "Thank you."

"Was it one of your parents?"

"Spouse."

It was only then that Jane noticed the ring on the girl's left hand. But she was so young; she had so much life left. How could she face it alone?

"I'm so sorry."

The girl nodded, still with the cold indifference. Again Jane felt as if she recognized her from somewhere, but she just couldn't place it. "I knew. It was a long time coming."

Jane frowned. "Was he sick?"

"She. Yes, she was. Cancer."

"What was her name?" Jane didn't know why she couldn't just leave this poor girl to her grief, but she recognized her from somewhere, a memory on the fringe of her thoughts.

"Maura."

Jane realized who this girl was and her eyes instantly shot to where Maura was sitting. She was gone.

Jane startled awake from the dream, gasping for air.

"Jane!" A voice she barely registered shouted in alarm.

Hands were instantly touching her face. Maura crouched in front of her, coaching her to breathe deeply and relax. She tried over and over to obey the honey haired woman's commands and listen to the soothing tones of her voice, and after a near minute, her body finally complied.

She instantly recognized the waiting room and her gaze shot to the corner where the girl had been. It was empty. The entire room was empty with the exception of herself and Maura.

Maura glanced over her shoulder to follow Jane's gaze. "Jane, honey, what are you looking at? What's wrong?"

Jane finally focused on Maura. Beautiful, generous, sweet, intelligent Maura. And she felt herself overcome by a fear so deep it seeped down and took possession of her very core. A fear of loss.

"You have to go back to San Francisco."


	26. Interference

DISCLAIMER:: not mine and all that

A/N:: so the finale was like 'whoa'. after it was over just stared blankly at the screen and my son crawled onto my lap and kept on poking me, going 'mommy dead?'. i don't know if i can wait until next summer to see how that's gonna play out... already going crazy a little. anyways, update, so yay.

-/-

It was late when the knock sounded at his door and Kyle had to drag himself out of bed. He was barely halfway across the hotel room when the knock came again, more urgent this time. He stumbled over to the door and glanced through the peep hole, his heart speeding up as he saw who was on the other side. He unchained the door and opened it with a smile.

"Hey, I'm surpr…"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence as Maura took a step forward and slapped him straight across the face.

His hand shot to his left cheek, rubbing away the sting. "What was that…"

She slapped him just as hard with the other hand, making an identical red mark on his right cheek.

"Are you going to tell me what I did? Or are you just going to continue to beat on me?"

"You know exactly what you did!" Maura stormed past him into the room. "You just couldn't keep your nose out of my business, could you?"

"Is this about the flowers? You were staying at her place, that's the only reason I showed up there."

Maura had to swallow down a new wave of anger. Who in the hell did he think he was?

"You have no right to interfere with my life like this Kyle!"

Kyle looked genuinely hurt. "I think being your friend gives me the right to inform you when I think you're making a mistake."

"Yes, you've already told me. I said I wasn't interested in the treatment. But that wasn't the answer you wanted, so you went behind my back to Jane."

"We were speaking as two individuals with a mutual friend."

"Don't give me that bullshit, Kyle! You knew exactly what you were doing. Jane told me to go back to San Francisco. Who gave her that idea?"

Slightly taken aback by the ease with which the uncommon profanity slipped from Maura's lips without pause made him hesitate. "I may have…"

"I thought you were my friend!"

Something cracked in Kyle's calm composure then. "I never wanted to be just your friend Maura! I love you! I have spent the last two years patiently waiting for you to see that. I've done nothing but give you time and space to get over your life here in Boston. You left, Maura, and yet for the past two years it's almost as if you've been waiting for Boston to call you back." He turned his back on her. "For Jane to call you back." He turned back to her. "I thought you were adjusting there. You love being by the ocean and the people and you don't see grisly crimes around every corner. Leave Boston in your past. Let San Francisco, let me, be your future." Noticing that she was not interrupting him, he decided to go for broke. "Remember that Tuesday we spent out at the De Young? We spent the whole day getting lost in the exhibits. Then when we ate lunch at their café you spent nearly twenty minutes arguing with the waitress over whether a basic béchamel sauce qualified their macaroni and cheese as gourmet. We went up to the observation platform and spent over two hours just looking at the city. We didn't leave until the museum was closing. You told me it was one of the best days you'd had in the city. We could have more days like that one Maura."

Maura was quiet for a long time. She didn't move, just stared at him, several emotions pooling in her at once. Sadness that she was going to hurt him, anger at what he'd done, guilt that she hadn't been what he needed, disappointment that they wouldn't be friends after this.

"Please Maura. Come home with me. Forget Boston. Forget Jane." Kyle took a step toward her.

"I can't." Maura shook her head and took a step back. "I asked her to marry me… she accepted."

Kyle looked as if he'd just been punched in the chest. His eyes went straight to her finger, to the ring.

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you… I seem to do that a lot. But it's always been Jane. I have never tried to lie to you about that." She looked down at the ring on her finger. "I love her. I've saved her life twice… she saves mine every single day. She's my best friend, and now that I've come home to her I'm not leaving again. Boston is my home. Jane is my home. I've come home, and I'm staying."

-/-

The next twenty four hours were critical. That's what doctors had told Jane about Summer's condition. She'd survived surgery, but barely and she was still in critical condition. A ventilator pumped oxygen into her lungs, machines kept her somewhere between the world of the living and that of the dead.

The shooter had also survived surgery. He wasn't awake yet but he was going to be fine. He'd be sore and would need countless hours of physical therapy, but he was expected to make a full recovery.

It was so unfair really, the more Jane thought about it. Summer had never wanted to leave her apartment, but she'd pushed her. Finally she had agreed only on the condition that they stop by the hospital first. Summer Raley was not supposed to die. Not now. Not like this.

Jane paced outside Alexander Munch's room, waiting for him to awaken. Maura had left. She had seen the hurt in Maura's eyes when she'd told her to go back to San Francisco, but that dream had shaken her to the very core. That girl had been Jane herself; she'd been looking in a mirror that had reflected back her own image from a decade ago. The symbolism of it all was not lost on Jane. She wasn't an expert when it came to interpreting dreams, but this one seemed pretty straightforward. Maura was going to die. This disease would claim her and Jane was going to sit by and watch it happen, unable to intervene. How do you fight something you can't even see? Maura had to go back, she had to get that treatment. But Jane knew they couldn't be apart again, so she wanted to go with her this time. She could get used to the west coast, right? But Maura hadn't given her the chance to explain that. She just looked hurt and then her eyes had clouded over with anger and she'd stormed out. Jane couldn't help feeling that maybe she'd already blown the engagement before they'd even had the chance to inform anyone that they were engaged. As soon as she finished her interrogation, she had to find Maura. She had to do damage control and explain things before everything came crashing down around her.


	27. Kamikaze Mission

DISCLAIMER:: not mine unfortunately

A/N:: sorry it took so long, my internet's been blinking in and out and i'm having surgery yet again later this week. oy! anyway, here's an update to last until i get a chance to upload again. i promise maura and jane will have a moment to discuss maura's treatment soon.

-/-

Jane watched the man on the hospital bed from the corner of the room where she'd sat for the past hour. She watched as his eyes opened and blinked in astonishment at where he was. Had he really expected to get out of this a free man? She realized in that moment that he hadn't actually expected to get out of this a free man, because he hadn't expected to get out of this alive. He patted his chest and cried out as his hands ran across his wounds.

"You really shouldn't move. Both bullets were through and through, they didn't hit any major organs, but you're still pretty torn up."

His gaze snapped in her direction and his eyes clouded over with a mixture of shock and disappointment. "You're not dead."

"Unfortunately for you, no, I'm not."

The man looked as if he were about to cry. She figured it must be from the pain in his chest and she felt a certain level of karmic satisfaction with every winch and pained expression.

"Mr. Munch?"

The man looked over at her as if he'd forgotten she was there.

"You are under arrest for the attempted murder of a police officer, assault with a deadly weapon, and the attempted murder of Summer Raley."

"Who's Summer Raley?"

Jane stared at him coldly. "She's the woman who's hanging on by a thread after being hit by a bullet you fired."

"I hit the wrong person?"

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you. Do you understand these rights as I have told them to you?"

Munch said nothing. He just stared at her blankly, his face ghostly pale. Finally he nodded. "I understand." He tried to lift his hand, only then realizing it was cuffed to the bed. He stared at the handcuffs as if they were some alien object he'd never seen before. "I don't need an attorney. I confess."

"Confess to what Mr. Munch?"

"I confess to the murder of those two women. I killed them."

Jane froze, all the smugness draining away. "Are you talking about Nia Kettner and Marnie Reis?"

Alexander Munch said nothing.

She crossed the room swiftly and got in his face.

"Tell me! Did you murder those women?"

Alexander Munch just avoided her eyes and nodded.

-/-

"I heard we have a confession." Korsak approached her in the hall with Frost in tow.

Jane frowned but nodded. "Alexander Munch confessed to the murder of Nia Kettner and Marnie Reis. As well as the attempted murder of myself and Summer Raley."

Korsak smiled and slapped her on the back. "We got the bastard. Let's wrap this one up."

Jane shook her head. "Something is not right here Korsak."

"Meaning what?"

It was Frost who spoke up. "Meaning why didn't he confess to the attempted murder of Raya Lewis."

Jane nodded. "Exactly. I asked him who his victims were and he could only give me two. Nia Kettner and Marnie Reis."

"Maybe Raya Lewis was done by someone else." Korsak shrugged.

Jane shook her head. "No. The MO was too similar. It's the same perp and that perp is not Alexander Munch."

"Maybe he just forgot to mention Raya's name." Korsak again, ever the skeptic.

"No, he didn't. Whoever told him to confess only mentioned Nia and Marnie."

"Why only give him half the information if you're going to ask a guy to confess for you."

"He didn't expect to survive and I have a feeling he had orders not to."

Korsak nodded. "Why are you so convinced he didn't do it?"

Jane frowned. "Because, right before he tried to kill me, he apologized for it."

-/-

"Jane?"

Jane looked up from her coffee with tired eyes. The caffeine was not helping after being awake for so long. Maura stood over her with a withdrawn expression.

"Where…"

Maura didn't let her finish. "I went to see Kyle. I know he put San Francisco in your head. He used your guilt to manipulate you. It was wrong. He crossed a line and I needed to… remind him of the boundaries of our friendship." She sat down in the seat beside Jane's desk.

Jane nodded. "I'm sorry Maur. I know he was trying to get in my head, but regardless, you need to go back to San Francisco."

Maura frowned. "Jane, please listen to me, because I'm only going to say this once. I've spent the past two years weighing the options. I've considered what it would be like to get the treatment and be cured, or to die. I've spent countless hours analyzing, going over every variable. I was in San Francisco for two years and I never asked for that treatment."

Jane leaned forward. "Because of me. If you removed me from the decision, didn't consider me in the least, wouldn't you have gone through with it?"

Maura shook her head. "Don't let Kyle make you feel bad Jane."

"This isn't about Kyle or what he said! Damn it Maura, this is about you _living_!"

Maura frowned, her lips narrowing to a thin line. "We can revisit this after we've wrapped up this case." She shifted in the seat. "Frost told me you don't like Alexander Munch for the murders."

Jane nodded. "He's missing too many key details. I think someone told him to kill me. He knew the guard was there. He knew he'd be taken down as well and still he took the chance."

Maura nodded slowly. "You think the real killer hired him?"

Jane shook her head. "I think he blackmailed him. He had to have something over him. He looked so disappointed that things didn't go according to plan. Disappointed, not angry or upset."

Maura frowned to herself, her eyes glazing over as her mind wandered away in thought. "You need to look at the records for hospital employees."

Jane frowned. "What?"

"Raya. He was going to Raya's room. How did he know where Raya was unless he's been in the hospital the whole time? Just like Hoyt. He works close by."

"Anderson White has been under our nose this whole time."

Maura nodded. "It makes the most sense."

Jane paled.

Maura frowned, concern clouding her expression. "Jane?"

Jane stood, grabbing her badge and firearm. "If you're right Maura, we just delivered the one thing he wants most to his doorstep."

Maura gave her a curious expression. Then it hit her. "Summer."


	28. Devil In A Scrub Cap

DISCLAIMER:: do not own; oh, the stuff i'd do if i did

A/N:: sorry this took two weeks, i've had OUAT on the brain. but i always go back to my rizzles. this story is slowly coming to its conclusion. thanks to all who stayed with me on the ride so far. i luv you guys.

-/-

"Detective Rizzoli!" A uniform assaulted her the second she stepped off the elevator on the fifth floor. He stopped in front of her, breathless. "We tried to stop him, but…"

Jane's eyes widened and she pushed past him, running down the hall. When she rounded the corner onto the post-surgical ward, she saw the group of uniforms and personnel, but they weren't crowded outside Summer's room. They were crowded outside Alexander's.

She pushed past everyone and into the room. Alexander Munch looked just as he had when she left him last. He appeared to be sleeping. In his hand was a syringe.

"What happened?" She rounded on the nearest of the personnel.

The guard who'd stopped her by the elevator was the one who spoke up. "It appears our perp didn't want to answer for his crimes."

"Shit!" Jane pushed out of the crowded room and slammed her fist against the wall across from the door. Now, her gut instinct was certain that Alexander Munch hadn't been the real killer. He was a pawn in a much larger game.

She looked up and nearly felt her mood lift. She turned to a hospital security guard standing outside the room. "Does that camera work?"

He gave a short nod.

"I need the footage from that camera for the last few hours."

-/-

She was sitting in the small security room with Frost as they were forced to watch through footage. She saw herself leaving the room to go back to the precinct.

"We're looking at hospital personnel too, take note of anyone who enters or exits that room."

By the time they reached the time of Alexander Munch's death, they had a list of three women and one man who had entered and exited his room.

"What's this about?" The security guard who was playing the footage for them, look questioningly at them. "One of the Boston PD officers watched as Alexander Munch committed suicide. Nobody killed him."

Jane frowned at him. "No, but someone gave him that syringe and told him to use it."

Jane's phone rang. She stepped out of the small security office and picked it up. "Rizzoli."

She listened to the officer on the other line with a growing sense of dread. When she hung up the phone and leaned against the wall.

Frost walked out and, noticing his partner's less than cheery disposition, he raised an eyebrow. "Not another one?"

Jane shrugged. "Maybe more than one. Alexander Munch's involvement now makes a whole hell of a lot of sense."

"What do you mean?"

Jane ran a hand across her tired face. "I sent a car to his house to collect his wife and bring her to headquarters. The house was broken into. His wife and three of his children are missing. There's blood in the kitchen."

Frost frowned. "One of those kids is only four years old."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"So, our guy took his family to blackmail him into shooting you?"

Jane nodded. "I think that's exactly what happened. Tell the security guard I want a copy of that tape. We need to take it back to headquarters and match the personnel with their employee records."

Frost disappeared back into the room. She sighed and started for the elevators. She pressed the call button when her phone pinged with an incoming text.

_I'm worried. Is Summer okay?_

_She's fine, Maur. Alexander Munch is dead._

_How?_

_Suicide._

_In a hospital? With guards posted?_

Jane frowned. It did seem improbable. But there were witnesses, too many to claim some kind of conspiracy theory. _He wasn't our guy. Just found out his family was used as blackmail._

_That's awful._

Before she could reply, the elevator doors slid open. She stepped inside. Before the doors could slid closed, a hand slid in to stop them. It was Frost.

"The security guard says that one of the women who showed up to visit Alexander Munch… she claimed to be his wife."

Jane frowned, unsure she'd heard her partner correctly. "What?"

"The last person to see him alive was a blonde woman claiming to be his wife."

Jane remembered the woman in question from the video. She was in scrubs and a scrub cap, like the others, but Jane had gotten a weird feeling about her. All his doctors had been men. But a woman? Where did she factor in? She stepped back out of the elevator and followed Frost back to the small security office.

"I want a still of the best shot you can get of her. Take it around the hospital, see if anyone can identify her. She has to be the one who gave Alexander Munch the syringe."

-/-

She sat in the conference room and pressed rewind once more. The woman had been smart. She'd known where the cameras were and how to avoid them. They'd traced her path all the way to the personnel parking lot, the only parking lot not monitored by security cameras. It wasn't a coincidence, it was familiarity with the territory. Go where you know and know where you go… first step in establishing the pattern of a serial killer. But, if their perp really was Anderson White, where did the female factor in? There was no way with Anderson being focused on Summer, he'd have a girlfriend. No, Summer was his only obsession. So, how did she connect back to Anderson White?

The door opened and Jane glanced over her shoulder. Maura was leaning in the doorway. She walked in and closed the door.

"Barry said I'd find you in here." She came up and pulled out the seat next to Jane, ignoring the TV monitor, instead staring at the detective. "Jane…" She glanced at the screen for a brief moment and frowned. "Are you watching the surveillance tapes from the Delow Clinic?"

Jane frowned and shook her head. "No, these are from the hospital. Why would you think they're from the Delow Clinic?"

Maura pointed to their mystery woman as she entered Alexander Munch's room. "Because that's the manager of the Delow Women's Clinic."


	29. The Desert Of Devastation

DISCLAIMER:: do not own; if i did... oh, imagine the possibilities

A/N:: what can i say? *shrugs sheepishly* life happens. i've been OUAT obsessed lately and it's kept me distracted. but i am actually rather glad, because the wait made this chapter sooo much better than it was originally going to be. i think i just needed to take a breather. i do hope to bring this story to its conclusion before the third season premieres in june. less than ten chapters to go. read, enjoy, and review.

-/-

"It can't be a coincidence that the manager of the Delow Women's Clinic has the same last name as our perp." Korsak tossed down the case file.

"I agree." Jane ran a hand through her unruly curls in frustration. All they'd been able to dig up on Miriam White was her employment record with the Delow Clinic. Prior to that, she didn't exist. Her social security number was a fake, her work history a lie.

"Anderson White had no siblings, no spouse. Besides his mother, who died six years ago, he has no female family." Maura flipped through the stack of papers in her hands. "There's no indication he's married since."

Jane shook her head and fell into a chair with a sigh. "He wouldn't marry. Summer is his world, his obsession." She glanced at Maura, knowing the feeling, and then at her hands. "When you love someone that deeply, you don't marry someone else, not without some kind of reason."

"I got it!" Frost came bursting through the door of the conference room, holding up a computer printout victoriously. "Anderson White had a half sister. After his parents divorced, his father met someone new and remarried."

"But we checked that out already. They never had a child."

Frost nodded. "I tracked his father's new family until they divorced, at which time they had no children. However, I dug a little further and found that his second wife, Anne, was pregnant at the time of divorce. Eight months later she had a healthy baby girl. His father was already dead by then, but Anne made a grab at his estate, trying to claim child support."

"Miriam White has to be Anderson's half sister." Korsak glanced at Jane. "They must have found out about each other and met up."

Jane nodded. "We have to find Miriam White. She's the only one in Boston who knows where Anderson is hiding."

But Miriam White was either smart enough to guess that she could be identified from the video surveillance or she'd been tipped off. Uniforms went to collect her from the Delow Clinic, but found her office empty. Another two cars were sent to her address but the apartment was bare. No one had lived there for a while. Miriam White had gone off grid.

-/-

"You have been going non-stop Jane. Come home with me." Maura's hands gently massaged her shoulders and Jane couldn't help but let her eyes slip closed involuntarily. She knew she should give in. There wasn't much more she could do until they found Miriam. It was all a waiting game now. There were round the clock guards posted at Summer and Raya's respective rooms, but Jane had a feeling that was not the way to catch their guy. He'd been hunting Summer for far too long to be tripped up by a mistake that juvenile.

"Jane?"

"Hmm?" Jane spun her chair around and looked up at Maura with tired eyes.

"Come home with me. You need to rest." Maura pushed a strand of her unruly curls behind her ear.

For a second, Jane thought about objecting. The detective in her felt a need for action, to always be moving forward, but Maura was right. She was no use to anyone in this condition. So instead she sighed and nodded. She stood and grabbed her blazer from the back of her chair, sliding it on. She grabbed her firearm from its place in her top desk drawer and tucked it into its holster.

-/-

They were in the car before Maura spoke again. "You really want me to go back, don't you? Even though we've been apart two years, you'd ask me to leave you again? This is really what you want?"

Jane's heart broke just a little at how defeated Maura sounded. Now that her anger had burned away, she seemed tired. She glanced over and saw the exhaustion in her gaze. She obviously didn't have it in her soul to fight back anymore. Maura appeared to have resigned herself to whatever hand fate decided to deal her. "I don't want to be apart, Maura. I want to go _with you_."

"I couldn't ask you to leave Boston Jane."

Jane shrugged. "Boston won't go anywhere Maur. It'll still be here when we get back. Besides, you're not asking, I'm _offering_."

Maura was quiet for a while, in which time Jane's stomach dropped to somewhere in the vicinity of her feet. But then Maura's hand found her thigh and rested there. It was a connection, and that meant something. She just continued to stare out the window, not commenting, but Jane decided not to push her. She patted the hand on her thigh and then returned her hands to the wheel.

-/-

Jane unlocked the door of the apartment and tossed her keys on the counter, walking over to the fridge and pulling it open, grabbing a beer for herself. She set it on the counter and went to the cupboard to grab for a wine glass for Maura, but stopped when she heard the sound of pressure releasing. She turned around to see Maura tilting back her head and taking a swig from her beer. She raised an eyebrow, but went back to the fridge to retrieve another bottle. She opened it and took her own deep gulp.

Maura set the empty bottle on the counter and stared at it, resting her hands on the edge of the counter and almost seeming to lean against it for support.

Jane didn't see the first tear until it slipped from the medical examiner's chin and crashed down onto the countertop. But one tear became two which became seventy as Maura began to silently sob. Jane nearly broke the glass bottle, still half full with beer, as she slammed it down and pulled Maura into her arms. She buried her face in the crying woman's hair and held her tightly, holding her breaking pieces together with all her might.

Maura snaked her hands around Jane's waist inside her blazer, gripping the material covering the small of Jane's back, handfuls of the brunette detective's shirt in her fists, and buried her face in the nape of a long neck. She tried desperately to control her tears, but the flood wouldn't stop.

Jane, trying to jostle Maura as little as possible, led them over to the couch. She dropped onto it, pulling Maura down with her.

Maura's hands hadn't released their death grip on the back of her shirt but she moved her head to lay it against Jane's shoulder. Kicking off her heels in a careless fashion that was unusual for someone who had such a high appreciation for fashion such as herself, she crawled onto Jane's lap, pressing her body into the sturdy one beneath her.

Jane rocked back and forth slightly, whispering words of comfort to the medical examiner as she continued to cry.

Finally, blessedly, Maura's tears subsided, and her grip on Jane's shirt loosened, though she didn't let go, her damp face still resting on a slender shoulder. She felt caught on the fine line between feeling too much and feeling nothing at all. She'd just crossed the desert of devastation and waiting before her was the comforting oasis of numbness. Just one more step and she could fold in on herself as she had for most of the past two years. It was safer to feel absolutely nothing. But that safety was a false one, because your problems don't go away. They just sit on your doorstep, waiting, and getting exponentially bigger as time passes. Time grows all things. So, she decided, this time she couldn't embrace the numbness.

"I'm scared Jane."

"Of what?"

Maura took a deep but shaky breath. "As long as I don't do the treatment, there will always be hope to cling to. But if I go there, if I do this, and it doesn't work? That's it. There's no more hope. It's just a clock, ticking away the minutes left in my life. My own blood has turned against me. Hope is all I have left, and I'm afraid of losing it."

Jane felt her heart wrench, each beat a painful reminder that Maura's own body was slowly fighting a war within itself, one that the medical examiner might one day lose, and therefore one that Jane might lose. She'd been so wrapped up in the case that she hadn't really let herself feel it, let herself take it all in. Maura could die. Could she handle it if she did?

"I've stared death in the face before Jane, so have you. It's a corollary of the jobs we do. They come with a certain level of risk; we've both seen it first hand. We deal with murder as a career and it's not so anomalous that our work has found a way of following us home on more than one occasion. I think I've adequately substantiated that I have little fear of dying. It is a natural process of living beings. My work, your work, they are so much more important than being afraid of the ramifications. But this is different. This is an enemy that doesn't play fair."

The weight of the world had seemed to find a comfortable residence on Jane's shoulders. She was conflicted. This wasn't about her, and yet, in so many ways, it was. Maura was everything; two years apart had done nothing to change that. "So, you won't do the treatment then?"

"Is it what you really want?"

Jane frowned and shook her head. "What I want is not what matters."

Maura sat up, pulling her arms from around Jane's waist and lifting her head off the detective's shoulder. "It _does_ matter. Your opinion matters to me. I need you to be objective Jane, because for once, I can't be. Not in this." She sighed. "I can't weigh the pros and cons; I can't see past the fear. But I can, and I will, do this _for you_."

Jane bit her lip, but she already knew what she wanted. She'd known all along. She wanted time with Maura; she wanted whatever it took to get that. "I want to take you back to San Francisco; I want you to live, and I believe that this treatment is your best chance."

Maura nodded. "Okay. I'll go. But there's something I'd like in return."

Jane found herself nodding, though there was a fearful voice in the back of her mind warning her that Maura might ask her to once again stay behind in Boston.

"I want to marry you _before_ we leave. If I am going to die, I want it to be as a Rizzoli."


End file.
